Pages

Saturday, March 31, 2012

I wanna slow down ..!!



Oh Crap!! My days are running like hell.I am hardly realising it either.All that I know is I open my eyes and then I am off to office ,by the time I am back to my room its time to sleep and my eyes are so damn adamant that they never agree to keep itself open after some point.I am totally out of this world..Damn this routine life.

Every morning I wake up saying today I will be “ME” but Nah, I still miss being me!
I have many interests in line one behind the other ..so many things I wanna do,learn and live with,enjoy with  and I feel time is too less,but  for now I wanna write for gods sake,Gimme a pen and a paper…I will Scribble is what I felt when I was busy with my keyboard at office  solving some issues at work.Its been  a total hectic month for me.I know I had to enjoy what I was doing,I had to enjoy my work, I also know I need to concentrate on the work  that I do at office.But since its been days that I dint write anything (Not even my diary)I was totally restless.This happens to me everytime when I miss to write something . A kind of disease I guess…I  really don’t know what can I name this disease.It takes my senses off until I write my heart out .I  feel totally relaxed once I finish any write-up.I feel the joy within.

  

I was trying  to grab every  single minute where I get a chance to write.Since past three weeks it was not happening on a regular basis for some reasons. I used to think daily that I would write something today and would sit awake late night, finish off few lines and then i would find myself lying my head on my book instead of pillow next day morning ! Weekends I had commitments that I couldnot dare to miss.I felt like carrying a pen and my book everywhere I go and start writing though its some function, party, traveling, etc.But yeah I cant do that for obvious reasons.Thought to buy a laptop only for writing purpose too..Atleast it would help me to write when i travel if not other mentioned occasions.But that dint happen either.I was away from reading too due to busy schedule.All I could manage to do was a quick copy paste of random blogs from Channel W in Microsoft word at office and manage to read it by EOD.I could not even comment on those blogs what I read..Such a pathetic state I was in. :( I wanted to slow down the running days of my life.

After a gap of three weeks without writing, today a Friday evening at office I put a complete full stop to all my priority work and before I could go completely insane without writing,I made sure I scribble at least few lines on notepad. And that’s how this blog came up.
Not worth posting but still I did post.

"A day"- see with difference




Everyday would end before I hardly realize my day has begun. Days just pass whereas I am totally indulged in my busy schedule. Today I wanted my day to be different. I want to see the world around me is what I thought. It’s the same place, the same normal-like day, same roads, same office and same schedule but still with a difference.All I decided to do is watch what’s going on around me in a different manner just for a day and thus began my day today

Every day when I go to office, I would sit in my cab with full-on music with eyes closed (feeling the lyrics of songs) and head rested on the seat or the second option would be I would be busy flipping pages of novel that I read .Today for a change I only put on my head set , played  light music .Today I kept the window of my cab open. I was sitting right near to the window. The cool breeze was making me feel the chill of weather. And as decided I was watching everything around me through the window. My cab had to put a break at one place due to traffic signal. There I saw a lady standing with her two kids on the street (a baby gal n a boy).Both kids were in their school uniform neatly dressed with a tie and shoes and a two sided bag on their back plus their lunch bag. They were waiting for school van I suppose. The boy was elder and the gal was younger .she looked like nursery going and the boy probably High school, I assumed. I was in the bus so all i could see was only the actions. The young gal was cranky abt going to school .Her face expression said it all. Mother talks to her son. Her son nods his head to what his mom told him and then immediately her elder son kisses his sister on her forehead and whispers something. The baby gal smiles. I wanted to see more of it but my cab started moving ahead. Probably mom gave some idea to her son to bring her daughter out of cranky mood is what I thought.

As my cab was moving ahead I saw a lady with uniform cleaning the roads, pushing all the fallen leaves n dust  on the road away with broom ...It looked like that was her daily duty and she would be paid for it. I also saw a van of school kids all in school uniform...I peeped into the van. This was the best, as I saw two kids in deep sleep in the van. One kid was snoring with mouth open. Among other kids three kids were playing among themselves with their hands, talking to each other .The other kid was with book open mugging up something. One more boy was busy looking outside the window. He looked at me all of a sudden. I smiled and waved him bye. He smiled too but no bye. May be he was too shy to wave a bye or maybe his parents might have warned not to be too friendly with strangers in a city which is actually good.

There we go, our cab stuck in between traffic. People were fed up waiting for traffic to get cleared. Frustration was seen on their face but I don’t know i was totally chilled out n all happy. All these tiny things that I was watching were making me happy. 

Now I could see a building construction that was going on through the window .How they load cement pull it up, and then unload the cement in it and again the process continues. Next inside my cab I could see a gal trying to pick eye lash fallen on her frens cheek n give it in her frens hands. Simultaneously, I could see people getting down their vehicles going at the side and bending down to get a peep of traffic as to when the traffic might get cleared. I could read frustration of waiting, on few people’s face.I observed a guy with his friend behind him on bike (He was calm probably was the only guy who was chilled out among many around who were totally frustrated of traffic) my cab moved a little front n now it stood next to another bus. Now i could see a gal in deep sleep inside the other bus near the window. I thought lucky gal who got fourty five extra mins to sleep in the bus bcos of traffic. ;) There was another gal in the same bus playing some game in her cell. There was a cartoon n some bridge kind of bars. All she had to do was make the cartoon jump over that bridge, one bridge after one...I could see she completed two levels and then my bus started moving again.

It started raining. The moment it started raining I cud see raindrops on my window n later it had covered all over the window pane. The lady who was in front seat of me closed the window as it started raining. I wanted to open it. When it started raining heavily i did open the window. I put my hand out. Tried to collect the rain drops but it’s difficult to do so, collecting rain water drops in hands is not an easy task.The gal who had closed the window turns back n looks at me. I gave her a smile. She could see me stretching both my hands out n playing in the rain...She smiles back at me n shifts to sum other seat.(I thought that was an indication that now I can open the window fully and enjoy the rain)By then the traffic was cleared n slowly my cab starts moving. Now i wanted to put my face out through the window and get it wet and i did it but not completely as i had to be aware of my one n only one head. Could not take a risk on that .Also that Wipro’s tiny little work was dependent on this head now. ;) Then came my office. Not to forget music was on all the way to keep me full on to observe all this.




I don’t know the reason but I had the best feeling that day. I felt Life is very beautiful and I am missing nothing in it. Every person on this earth can find happiness but just that only few people will happen to see it and rest are too busy looking at the negative side of life day to day. Life comes once, Love it and Live it.



Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I wonder why is it so.. ??!!




Every day and every moment I feel you by my side
Every now and every then I see you in my ride
Every minute I realize I miss you so
Every second I wonder why is it so

I think of you day and night
I want you to hold me tight
I think of you never leaving me
I want you to believe me

There’s no shine I see in the sun
There’s no light I see in the moon
There’s no love I feel within
There’s no joy I feel within

I feel you near
Hope someday you hear
I feel you close
Hope someday I never loose


Saturday, March 17, 2012

'ME' and 'LIFE'



It is always said “Best lessons of Life are learnt only after experience”.I never agreed to this statement. I always argued saying “Best lessons of life” can be learnt by knowing others experiences, U can always learn from everyone. But I recently found that there is infact lots of differences when u learn from others and when you experience yourself. And trust me this difference is not tiny but very huge.


The kind of feeling I went through for an year almost.I had lost the continuity of life for some reasons.My Life was going on a superfast rollercoaster ride,so many  ups  and downs.There was something lacking in everyting I do.The feel  of lack of happiness and satisfaction every now and then.I would be part of fun with my friends, laugh with them, go to work but could not feel the happiness to the fullest .Nothing seemed right at times ! Everything just too messy around me and when things were going on right track, there it slips again! I wished to press "PAUSE" button of my Life if i had an option.


It was a fight between me and Life. Every second I had to fight back. And c’mon Thanks to this wonderful Society, How lovely it is.The society laughs with u when u r laughing but when u cry,again it laughs at u, some pity on you ,Some see u and make sure they utilize every chance to make fun of u and and some who will catch u half the way and then disappear in between. I hate to say I had to place few people who were in my heart ,away from my heart, they had lost their value n my respect towards them in this phase of my Life. Also few gained my respect and I valued them.Each time I moved forward all these would push me back again ! I was trying to get myself back every now and then.I Never wanted to loose myself.The liveliness, charm and “ME” is what I always wanted to keep alive . The struggle between me and Life was hard to survive !


All this, made me more tough.This is when I came to know what exactly it means  by fighting back.How does it feel when u undergo through all circumstances of life,I understood clearly  what it  is when we say our loved ones  “Everything will be fine” when things are in a bad state.The pain they might be undergoing  is something which we cant  feel  nor  can we imagine in our wildest dreams when we try to convince them to make them feel better..My value,respect,love towards few(including my parents) grew more and more everyday in this phase of  my life.


Trust me !!! Today I never regret the year of ups and downs I went through.I learnt at every single step from everyting and everyone and  now I know Whats my Life.I can give the Definition of my Life in my words with a meaning to every single word.Each word might be painful but I Love every bit of the pain , every tiny pinch of it where I never forgot my smile, I stood for myself .Today whatever I am,my Life is,I live it.


My Life has still continued the roller-coaster ride,So what! Life simply goes on :)

"Paint and brush" the bricks at office ..!!!!



Guys and Gals,


First of all I would like to say this write-up may sound extreemely silly to few of you out there, For a very simple reason that this is just a piece of my happy moment and all it includes is only a paint and a brush.I am sorry if this disappoints you.


It was like any other normal day, as usual woke up late in the morning (as I work in shifts)and my eyes were shocked to see the clock that was displaying time as 10 A.M. I rubbed my eyes hard, hoping that I might have seen the wrong time on the clock and I may have few more hours to sleep.(I am a lazy bug ) But time doesn’t wait for me..It was really five mins past 10 AM and I had to make myself available at the cab pick up point at 11A.M sharp.So one more hour to go!!!!!!! I had to be fast.


There  I put, the Music on, at a high volume.I luv getting ready with  some of my fav songs  on) and  then its  Brush Brush Brush !!! Morning Shower  made  me fresh,all ready  for a New Day.Then its Dress up  !!!!  Its fun to pull out clothes out  of  my  messy wadrobe (For me its not to look my best  or not to fit into a perfect outfit  to office but I just dress up the way I feel happy.I found a  tee and then grabbed a jeans …Was ready in a go… combed my hair !!! Breakfast (I hate to eat  as I stay away from home ,the food  I eat always makes me miss my mom)  So Breakfast will be the only thing that I can keep as an option to skip among all  other morning activities…So its always at the end, I don’t mind skipping my breakfast if its too late.


I made it to the  cab on time and reached my office …Walk towards my tower from the gate is not very short.On my way towards my tower I noticed few painters  painting the  bricks that was kept as an edge across the greenary…They were painting it yellow to all the bricks and then they painted the alternate bricks black so that it looked like the yellow-black combo.I always had an urge to paint(not on the sheet of paper which we usually do during our school days) but on the walls like the real professional wall-painters.Never got a chance .The moment  I saw them, I wanted to join them and do it ,but my friend refused as we were employees. I went to my ODC being disappointed.  


Work kept me busy and engaged. I forgot my eagerness  to paint.It was time for lunch…..I had to go to cafeteria and again I could see these painters doing their job sincerely in the hot sun..This time they had almost completed close to half …But I could notice the pending half left for painting and was wondering If I could get a chance.In between the crowded  employees  I could hardly do it..I was willing to paint but my friend  said “If it was college I would have asked them to give u a chance,But since we are professional employees here ,you better not do this” .


I had my lunch with my buddies and then got stuck up with work again.The same evening my colleague got a call to collect a courier near the gate.I joined my colleague but my intention was mainly to watch these painters and try to grab a chance..On the way towards  the gate I could see three-fourth of painting was done.We went and collected the courier .On our way back I could not resist requesting myself for the paint brush from them.My colleague stood a far off from me, waiting for me  as she found it embarrassing  … I dint give a damn to people who were passing by..I jus was eager to paint ..thats all I knew. I requested the painter  “Can I please paint a little?” .He smiled at me and handed the paint brush and paint to me .I started to paint a block ( among many blocks of bricks).The painter was standing next to me and still smiling.I was too happy to sit and paint.People who were passing by just grinned at me .I continued to paint.Dint realize it until my colleague standing far away screamed “Hey gal !!!!! Have any plans to continue ur work in IT?, If so, then lets go to ODC.Come soon.”Once I completed painting  the entire block with yellow colour I gave the paint brush back in his hands and said a big “Thank you” with a lovely smile .




I completed painting  the entire block with yellow colour and u wont believe how HAPPY I was the entire Day !!!! This  may sound insane as painting jus a little is no biggggggg deal at all but the entire day I had a smile on my face and I could feel the joy from within me.Its just a tiny thing to feel too happy for.May be that’s why we say “Do what you love to do, as it can give u the kind of happiness  that u can feel”.All such small kind of joy means a lot to me anytime anyday. Thanks to the painter who gave me a chance. Never forget that there is  a life behind the busy schedule of attending phone calls and meetings , Give time for yourself  to do things that u love, as life comes only once ,live it to the fullest.

Need "U"



It was never the end
I know it changed
Why were u blind
To know the pain
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here



Why don't you know
What made me this way
Why did you give up
Leaving me alone
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here



Every moment i was here
I was screaming my heart out
I survived each day
Without any fear
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here



I was fighting back
I was in pieces
Every single day
Was too long
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here



U said u know it all
U said u will be near
U said u will never let my tear
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here



I wish to bring u back
I wish to be the reason for ur smile
I wish to let you realise
I  still need you
If only u could understand
All I want is “YOU”