"HE" is my "HERO"

                     

                               I have to write today! I have to write today because I am away from home and I miss being with the best person. A person who taught me what is Life, what is the world and showed me way towards light. I miss him often. I miss him more every day. All I get to do now is to visit him taking few days off OR multiple phone calls every day despite my busy schedules.

                                When I was five years old and had joined the school. He peddled cycle every day morning and afternoon for kilometers together just to drop and pick me up from school. I still remember the tiny green seat in front that was fixed only for me.It wasn’t an easy task, He felt tired and did stop at times at the side of road and then continued to peddle again. There wasn’t a single day when he complained about it. In fact he smiled each time he saw my face. He worked hard at office to give me the best of education and best of everything in Life.

                                “You are my world”- He always said and still continues to say even today! His job posted him to a different location. I was studying in primary school when he chose to move to different location all alone. Of course not by choice but because his job forced him too. Inspite of his health issues where he actually wanted mom to be around to help him, he dint take anyone of us with him. The only reason was he was posted to a location of tiny village where there was no education system available in those days. He dint want me to lose two years of my school education.

                                  I made him proud with my mark sheet each time he visited home. I was the school topper everytime.I would wait for the day he would come. I would keep all my prizes and certificates that I had won on the table. He would pat on my back and praise my hard work. He would also get me some gift each time he travelled home. 

                                  I remember that day when I had asked him for a teddy. I had seen few of my friends owning big teddies and out of nowhere I too wanted to own one. Honestly, I don’t know why I wanted a teddy because I was never fond of it anytime. May be I just wanted to have one like everyone else. I thought my dad would immediately buy me one but he dint. He said “Teddy haan? The doll that is made up of clothes and cotton. What will my daughter do with it? It cannot talk and walk. You can simply carry it. What do you get from owning a teddy?”  I kept quiet. He continued “I would want my daughter to ask me some useful gifts. Like you ask me books that you want to read and get knowledge from. Any book of your choice. I will buy millions of it for you.”  I looked at him with disappointed face. He later said “Ok, looks like you really want a teddy but you will get a small teddy first, after few months if you still wish to own a big teddy then let me know”. He further continued “And to get the small teddy you need to work hard and score a rank this final exam”. That was an easy task for me then. I worked hard and stood first in my class. My dad kept his promise with small teddy as my gift. Within few weeks I had lost all the interest in that boring teddy and dint want a big teddy anymore. Infact I just kept the small teddy only for the reason that it was a gift from my dad. This continued in every phase of my life. I would be made aware of what is worth owning and then gifted with what I want at the right time. This taught me value of everything I own in life and also taught me to get things by working hard. The joy that you feel is immense. I was gifted with cycle and scooty when it was necessary at right time. Never got it immediately when I asked for it the first time.

                                  I grew up. Young hot blood was flowing in my body .Things had gradually changed. I wasn’t the same rank holder student anymore in my studies. There were times I let him down. There were times I made him feel low. There were times I made him angry. There were times I felt helpless .There were times I was ashamed of myself but he still stood beside me proudly. There was a time I broke into bits and pieces. He used all his strength, gathered those broken pieces together and made it one again. My respect towards him increased and love towards him doubled.

                                  Today I am in a state where I need to make time to make a phone call just to talk to him. I cannot talk to him for hours together sitting next to him as I stay away from home while he is always next to me whenever I need him. He is still working on giving me best in my life and I am not able to be his strength. He is always there when I want him but I am never available. Yea, I am definitely working on being there for him.

                                  His patience, his courage, his determination and will power is what I always wish to develop in me. He is my strength from the day I was born and even today and for future. Yes! He is my first HERO, my DAD! – Today whenever he sees me, he still gives me hopes on how to deal with Life, to stay determined, to be positive and that keeps me pushing ahead. I LOVE YOU MORE DAD!                                 

Parallel Universe

A different world, a different universe. It’s a land of colors.I sat in a white cloud high up in the light blue sky. I was sitting on a cloud. The cloud was moving slowly and I was immersed in admiring the color of sky. The cloud stopped in front of a white dome shaped castle and I got down. I looked around. Tiny little blue birds, size of my thumb were flying around with a sweet humming sound. Bright little glittery balls were bouncing up and down all over. I smiled and walked ahead.

 After walking many steps I stood in front of a big door. The door had its own magnificent design. I went close and was immersed in observing the artistic design. I saw “HAPPINESS” was only word written on a big door. The door was completely white similar to the color of milk. I stood infront of the door with my mouth wide open. The door opened automatically. I saw left and right. I could see no one. I just ran inside very quickly. To my surprise there was no one inside. It was a total calm place with literally nothing. I ran back to the door again but it was closed. I tried hard to open the door but it went in vain. I sat down disappointed. After few minutes I got up and tried opening the door again but it dint help. I then turned back started walking ahead. The place was very silent and calm. If a needle was dropped down I bet I could have heard the sound.

             After walking for more than half an hour I saw another big door. This time the door was already open. The door was highly classic design and was brown in color, I went in. On both the sides stood line of strange people. They were dressed up like they were from an ancient ancestor’s age. A small crown on each person’s head, a heavy metal covered their body and everyone had a round shaped antique piece held in their hand. As I entered, these people on both ends bowed down their head at once. I was surprised and continued walking.

              I reached the third door. I have never seen a door as beautiful as this in my life. It had all the colors I had seen so far in my life. It was just amazing. It had no design but only colors. I tried opening the door but it dint work. I pushed it hard, the door dint open. I put all my strength and pushed the door with great and full force this time and the door opened at once. I went inside. I could hear light music, see beautiful butterflies, bright shining stars falling down all over and melting on the ground. I saw the balloons of heart shape in Red color around me in the air. I was happy and I felt good. I caught the shining stars in my hand and it melted in my hand. My hands felt the cold tickling feeling.

               Suddenly I heard a voice, a voice that was powerful and commanding. A voice that was firm and a voice that one wanted to listen over and over again. The voice whispered “You have crossed three doors of Life that everyone always wants. First door which was complete white and the place where you saw nothing was place of PEACE. The second door where people bent down when you entered was place of RESPECT. And the final door where you felt very happy and extremely good was place of LOVE. The ultimate powerful emotion in every human’s life and the emotion from which no human can escape from. Your LIFE is now complete! “The voice stopped and I stood there blank.

               Immediately a strong breeze passed by and I couldn’t stand in the same place.I was blown away with the wind. “Thud” I fell down. I opened my eyes and I was in the same crazy daily world, I had fallen down on the ground from my bed. I searched for my phone and saw the time. I was late to my office. I smiled at the thought that i named as "Parallel Universe" and there I went ahead for my usual routine.

               

Thoughts that flow !!

      My thoughts reflect the past, my thoughts witness my present and at times tiny little hopes of future are captured.

                I am a day dreamer big time. I can sit for hours together doing nothing but only get so lost in my own thoughts. Sometimes I do wish I would have used this time in something fruitful then I answer myself “I don’t have to rule the world now, so it’s OK”.

                My early morning takes my thoughts for a walk through my memory lane. Every morning I go for a walk to a park nearby. This practice started just to give my mornings a fresh start watching nature and to feel the morning breeze. A light music, my favorite shoes and a jacket, hands in my pocket and there I go. I have to walk a little distance to reach the park. I have to cross few lanes of big and small houses as well. Few things that I observe daily is I see a lady splashing water in front of her house door when I go for a walk and by the time I finish my rounds in the park and return back, beautiful design of “Rangoli” would be ready to welcome in front of the door. My thoughts just took me to my past where my granny did the same and we little ones would stand next to her and watch in excitement. She would do it so perfect and fast. As I walk further I see a young boy (probably in his 12- 16 years age) who stops his cycle at every house he crosses , picks up a news paper from the bunch at his cycle basket and throws it in front of every house. Trust me; I always make sure I don’t miss watching him as he throws newspaper to first floor, second floor and also third floor standing in the same position of the road. The newspaper rolls high up in the sky and falls perfect. “Dude, you can be a basketball champ” my thoughts said to me when I watched him. His throw never gets missed every day. My thoughts reminded me of a friend who had once told me “I don’t care that I am going through a bad time because I come from a background where I have lived my life as a newspaper boy. So today if I am kicked out of my job I am bold enough to lead my life independently finding a new way”. This thought made me smile. I continue my walk and I see a shopkeeper opens his tiny shop every day morning. Keeps few racks of groceries outside the shop, makes ready a small bench for customers, hangs few magazines in front of the shop. My thoughts took me to my childhood days where my uncle who owned a shop used to do this every morning. I used to visit him only on summer vacations. He did make me and my cousins sit in the shop. All we had to do was know the price, collect the money and return proper change and give them what they asked. I entered the park and I see old couple walking in the park, few young folks running and little exercise. Adding on, I do see few little kids who come to the park early morning to play see saw, swing. I see the joy and excitement in every kids face when the swing and see-saw goes up and down. My thoughts reflected my past where me and my sister used to finish our homework real fast just to join our friends at the park to play the swing.

                I finish my walk, continue my daily routine and off I go to office. I always prefer a window seat when I travel in the bus. Because I always love to observe the world around me. I see a group of little kids with uniform playing on the road side while their parents are holding their school bags waiting for the school bus. They were playing some game clapping their hands. My thoughts took me down the memory lane of my school days where we sang rhyming words and clapped our hands. I did try to recollect the words fully and realized I have forgotten few words. My bus stopped being stuck at traffic and my thoughts started waving around my present routine of office,cooking,meetings to attend etc.To see positive  side of my present I took my thoughts to my favorite books awaiting in my bookshelf that I would continue  to read, movie that’s planned for weekend. The bus started moving slowly by then and there I see a beautiful young couple who held their hand. The guy asked the girl to stand after him and then carefully looked around and crossed the door holding her hand tight. My thoughts went into my future. I don’t stop my thoughts when it shows me hopes of future (which may or may not happen). I let my thoughts swim. By now the bus had started moving on the flyover and the morning breeze near the window seat brushed my face, I tilted my head slightly towards right and my eyes closed. My thoughts continued to swim into future.

      I looked into his eyes and he smiled at me, I put my hand on his head and brushed his hair and he smiled again. He puts an arm around my shoulder and kisses my cheeks. I blush. He pulls me towards him and cuddles me in his arms. I feel safe forever. I feel I have the whole world with me. After being in his arms to my heart’s content I rest my head on his shoulder. He kisses my forehead. I feel I am the happiest person. Suddenly I feel the jerk and my head is hurt. My thought of future now brings me to present. I was in the bus and the last stop had arrived. I get down and my final thought says “Whoever you are and wherever you are, though I am unsure of your existence and unsure that you are on the way to reach me, I will hold you tight in my thoughts forever”. 

Learn LIFE

         Life – The word “Life” itself is a mystery. We all know and have experienced that Life is filled with ups and downs. Life keeps going no matter what! As said always “Live for today to the fullest”. Is that easy?

         After a point of time, when life puts you down over and over again, each time you fall you learn to get up and then the moment you get up you fall all over again?! How awful you would feel? – Living with positive attitude and hopes of better tomorrow gets drained out eventually .Now you just want to give up! Life becomes struggle, almost every day.

                     Since past few months or nearly a year my Life has become constant. Books, papers, watching the world, entertainment nothing actually helps me or feels exciting. Personally and professionally I have seen no good, I kept going ahead hoping for better tomorrow. Everyday there is a ball of emptiness above my head that follows me everywhere. Oh yea, How can I forget what people tell me – “The best comes in the end”, “It’s all about time, Things will surely fall in place” etc etc. After hearing it a million times my answer would be like “Now that’s really not helping me”.

                    The best way to deal with Life at this point would be to connect the dots. (Not being philosophical but this does help me - at least for few minutes). It’s always said “One should forget the past and move on” – True, but it’s not harmful to recollect the past at times and learn about your life. Past would have been painful or probably memorable. Visit and come back J you would feel better or you would now SMILE recollecting it again.

                    I sat in my room next to an open window, gathering thoughts and felt every phase that I have crossed and every path that I have walked so far had a reason. A reason that was unwrapped at a later stage in my Life.

I had to meet few wrong people who were not meant to stay with me forever and then I met right ones later. Here I learned to value them.

I had to choose between let go and hold on. Here I learned to be strong.

I had to meet a person to direct him to the right path. Here I learned to be a guide.

I had to choose among emotions and goal. Here I learned to be practical.

I had to leave behind attachments and move ahead. Here I learned to move on.

         Today wherever I am and whatever I am - I have learned. I would still keep learning. You wish or you don’t but Life will surely teach you the lesson. You have to learn because you have no other choice. You have to cry to learn to SMILE. Though you are fed up, you have to cross the path that is meant for you to pass. So live, love and continue to do what makes you happy. Just don’t stop because you are tired. If not today tomorrow you will know why things were not working out for you when you wanted it to. And that day you would SMILE again and probably be “thankful” too.

Flaws to Perfection

She was funny, naughty and crazy.

She made millions of people smile in her journey every day.

There were her set of bad days too where she lost her own smile and she was blamed.

She owned a heart filled up with unconditional love and care.

She hugged people when they felt lonely and held the hands when they needed support.

There were days when she had lost all her strength to help and she was blamed.

She respected feelings and valued relationships.

She compromised to keep them happy and to live more moments with them.

There were days where she lost herself completely and she was blamed

She worked hard to give her best to people around

She spent tiring days and sleepless nights

There were days where she was restless and she was blamed

She loved truly and deeply

She bonded and connected from heart

There were days when she had to let go with deep pain within and she was blamed

She wiped their tears of sorrows

She gave her shoulder to rest

There were days when she had to wipe her own tears and she was blamed

She was known for her soft speech

She made wonders with words

There were days when she was left with no words and she was blamed

            She sees the change

            She see the different her

            She sees that the more people she loses, the more she finds herself

I want to get Lost !

I want to get lost  

In an unknown land

With plenty of trees

To feel the fresh breeze

I want to get lost

In a place where I can see the blue sky

With colorful rainbow

To see beautiful clouds

I want to get lost

In a place of mountains

Where I can shout at the top of my voice

To listen to my own echo

I want to get lost

In a place where I see the birds

Which flies high

To hear melodious chirping

I want to get lost

In a place of long route

With sand on the ground

To keep walking miles

I want to get lost

In a place of sunlight

Where I see the sun rays

To shine in the direction of light

I want to get lost

In a place of endless road

Where I have hundred errands

To run as fast as I can

I want to get lost

In a place of happiness

Where I keep smiling

To spread bucket of joy

I want to get lost

In a place of calmness

Where I can listen loud to my inner voice

To follow what my heart says

I want to get lost

In a place with no noise

With no one around

To be with only me

I want to get lost

Completely and totally

For now or may be forever

To an unknown land

Because that someday when I get lost

May be I will be myself again!