From a Believer to an Atheist and back again ;)

                                              Some of us are bought up in an environment where we are made to believe more in some supreme power than ourselves. Many a times we are bogged down with responsibilities, duties since a very young age. Our day begins with prayers and ends with prayers. I have met many such people around me and I have been meeting them more often- I feel surprised and shocked! They are so damn believers of God that they are scared to move a step ahead in anything they do – I like to study them, record their actions and analyse them.

                                          No offense meant on believers and atheists. But yes sometimes I still keep wondering about the existence of “God” even today. To be frank, I was born and bought up in a family where I was taught prayers,few traditions, customs along with stories that said God exists and how he offers help in terms of needs etc. I grew up as a believer , I prayed when I was in difficulty, I said thanks to him each time I felt things are better because I thought he made it right. ! I don’t know if he really did ;).I am a Hindu who studied in a Christian school, I found joy in Christian prayers , Even today I do visit church sometimes and light a candle(With no demands or prayers) and feel good.Basically I was not restricted to pray only as a Hindu.

                                          There is a time where every youngster stands independent with a job at a new place in between new crowd. I am a grown up now and matured enough to see things the way it is in reality and not the way I was taught about it! I have different set of people working around me, few who believe in God at every step and few who don’t trust his existence at all.Two different extremes! With few circumstances going wrong continuously, people tend to loose faith and hopes – I was one among many who asked –“If God does exist why he isn't fair enough to everyone”.  We do have temples,churches and mosques built at every street in our country. I really don’t know whether to call it fortunate or unfortunate that I see these pilgrim places will always be crowded. I wonder “ Are there so many people with troubles that they visit God asking for help” OR “Are there so many happy people who come to thank God for everything”. However I still dint find an answer.

                                          My days had passed normally when I had once stopped praying to God.Back then,as an atheist my life was the same normal life. I have also seen places where your prayers are offered to god only after you pay the priest with money. There were some places where I was reminded – “Madam – You need to pay”. They know people will do anything for God ;) One small incident at my office – I had broken my sandals , since I couldn't walk with broken sandals, I had kept it aside and was roaming without sandals inside my office. Few people asked me –“What happened?”. I answered –“Its Thursday today and I don’t wear sandals on every Thursday as I offer my special prayers to God, asking him to fulfill one of my wish”. To my surprise maximum number of people blindly believed this and said – “Your wish will be fulfilled”. I was taken aback.People will take anything and everything in the name of God. What can you name them as ?

                                  After all 20 plus years of belief  that God exists has been constantly put into my head – Hard to wash it away at once! Recently I visited a temple.I had been to this temple after four long years – As soon as I saw the idol,tears rolled down my eyes.Even today when I think about it I wonder “why?".May be I felt a ray of hope OR May be I felt there is someone listening to me, OR may be I felt I will fight and win my battle.

                                  Its good to believe in some Power which inspires you with faith and builds up hopes to move ahead in life. Let that power be named as “God” ! Why not ?! Go to him when you want to gain confidence.Go to him when you want to feel better, Go to him when you want to believe that things will be good soon, but meanwhile do believe in yourself first, Put your effort  in everything you want, if you fail analyse why and attempt again rather than blaming God. Don't wait for God to make a way for you.If you do so,you are a fool.You choose your way and let him be your support. Remember you should be your own guide and he will only be your support when you are down. If you are a believer don’t expect him to wear your shoes and run the race for you, he will only keep the ground clean for you to run your race. 

                                             

The game of “Let go” and “Hold on”

             I believe most of you would have crossed this phase in their life at times- To hold on and to let go.

Few years back - It was a tough time for me holding on to each other in a group of people(just because we wanted to stay together),then later holding on seemed so difficult that all of us had to let go one another to keep ourselves happy. Days passed by wondering “Where we went wrong” and trying to set things right but the holding on torture was too much that none of us were able to be normal again. Today we are connected individually but still apart as a complete group. Each one of us has moved on with a new beginning. Definitely it took me hell a lot of time to be back to normal again.

              Many a times,this lesson of “Let go” and “Holding on” are self learnt due to one’s own experience or may be these lessons are taught since childhood in small steps.For Example: when you were a kid, u must have played with your friends, cousins, neighbours who came to your house for a visit –you enjoy playing with them so much that you don’t want them to leave you and go , you ask them to stay at your home forever.But your parents say “Let them go, They have important work ,They will finish the work and will be back to play with you in the evening”. So here your parents lie to you to keep you happy and ask you to let them go with hopes that they will soon be back. Since you are a small Kid you tend to forget things very soon and get diverted that you hardly remember in the evening about the promise made before they left.

But as you grow up things change,The definition of “Let go” is now at a bigger level. Moving away from someone’s life for what so ever reasons it may be! Or in another word,finishing your role/part in that someone’s life! You tend to remember and miss the person whom you have “let go”. I wish our memory would still be like a Kid’s memory in such matters. Unfortunately its not! Their every  talks,deeds etc tend to reflect infront of your eye very often.There is nobody to give you promise of coming back and moreover we are matured enough to understand and predict the reality.Its just hopes  that might keep us going ! Hopes shatter many a times whereas few tend to be lucky though.

Holding on is another such game where you don’t want to loose someone/something important that means a lot to you and hence you tend to keep holding on and take everything  that’s coming on your way – Here your patience is at stake.Once your patience is lost holding on becomes too difficult !Yet Again, priority matters, Patience wins priority sometimes !

Sadly, My Life has played this game of "let go" and "hold on" unwillingly often.Each time I think I am good at holding on and letting go,I realize I am just the beginner !!!This is a very dangerous game,which will grind your emotions,feelings,confidence,smile etc at one shot ! - if your life has never given you a chance to play this game you have been blessed !! Be happy to be so ! All I can say is Sometimes you have to keep holding on unwillingly and sometimes you have to let go though you don’t want to -Not because you want it that way, its because you have no other option and its good that way ! Either ways you choose, you are hurt!!