Life is beautiful(now!)

Whenever  I was down and confused , my dad always told me – “Daughter , Life teaches you everything, it will make you matured, It will one day make you realize that you have grown up to handle the worst yourself, either in a good way or bad way.” - I used to just smile keeping mum. Today I understand that statement, He is so very right!

Life looks beautiful to me these days, more and more beautiful as every day is passing by! I have now got up from the place where I had fallen down long back, have learnt to hug people again when I feel like. It’s not like the time when I wanted to be myself all alone anymore! I have realized in the past few months that I do miss people around me.Sometimes a lot more than I even expected to miss them.

                Earlier I was clueless about what I wanted; now I can see my future. I can see what I want because I see where I stand right now! My future is at a far off distance from here and it looks wonderful to me though I see I have thousands of hurdles to pass by. I have started the battle and I am going ahead each day! Each day is a new learning, I see myself growing every day. Someone recently said me – “You are blessed”! Someone else told me – “Everybody here and many more out there loves you so much, and nobody knows why”!

There were times when I told people around me – “Leave me alone” and now I see myself saying – “Guys, I am missing you like crazy and need you here”.

There were times when I wouldn’t answer any phone calls and switch off my cell phone but now I see myself dialing numbers from my contact list just to talk to people for hours

There were times when I used to go for long walks all alone but now I see myself gathering my loved ones around me.

There were times when I used to get lost in a conversation between friends but now I see myself laughing until my stomach aches in such conversations

There were times when I used to stick on to my chair at office but now I see myself not sparing anyone around me from my pranks.

There were times when I made sure that people depart only with a simple word “bye”   from me but now i see tears in their eyes when they go away from me with a promise to keep in touch.

I am living my life as I wish to and not as a compromise for anyone else. Sometime back there was a time when I wanted to put a full stop to everything wrong that’s happening with me…I was trying to find a way out of all the worries that I had. It was difficult to bear all of it at once, but time heals everything, I found myself with the best people to come out of it! No worries seem too complicated now! Emotions, Feelings, etc. are something which I respect and handle with care

On reading these, don’t think I have just had a recovery from heartbreak! It’s just re-collection of the past, analyzing it deep and then realizing of the happy moments that you have missed so far by making your simple life miserable and complicated. The idea of not destroying the present happiness and setting up a future goal! Trust me this keeps you going! Between I have to thank some set of people who came into my life in this phase; they were my doctors though they don’t know it! ;)

On this note, this Writer inside me is looking forward to bring out some happy and funny blogs on this page soon!

From a Believer to an Atheist and back again ;)

                                              Some of us are bought up in an environment where we are made to believe more in some supreme power than ourselves. Many a times we are bogged down with responsibilities, duties since a very young age. Our day begins with prayers and ends with prayers. I have met many such people around me and I have been meeting them more often- I feel surprised and shocked! They are so damn believers of God that they are scared to move a step ahead in anything they do – I like to study them, record their actions and analyse them.

                                          No offense meant on believers and atheists. But yes sometimes I still keep wondering about the existence of “God” even today. To be frank, I was born and bought up in a family where I was taught prayers,few traditions, customs along with stories that said God exists and how he offers help in terms of needs etc. I grew up as a believer , I prayed when I was in difficulty, I said thanks to him each time I felt things are better because I thought he made it right. ! I don’t know if he really did ;).I am a Hindu who studied in a Christian school, I found joy in Christian prayers , Even today I do visit church sometimes and light a candle(With no demands or prayers) and feel good.Basically I was not restricted to pray only as a Hindu.

                                          There is a time where every youngster stands independent with a job at a new place in between new crowd. I am a grown up now and matured enough to see things the way it is in reality and not the way I was taught about it! I have different set of people working around me, few who believe in God at every step and few who don’t trust his existence at all.Two different extremes! With few circumstances going wrong continuously, people tend to loose faith and hopes – I was one among many who asked –“If God does exist why he isn't fair enough to everyone”.  We do have temples,churches and mosques built at every street in our country. I really don’t know whether to call it fortunate or unfortunate that I see these pilgrim places will always be crowded. I wonder “ Are there so many people with troubles that they visit God asking for help” OR “Are there so many happy people who come to thank God for everything”. However I still dint find an answer.

                                          My days had passed normally when I had once stopped praying to God.Back then,as an atheist my life was the same normal life. I have also seen places where your prayers are offered to god only after you pay the priest with money. There were some places where I was reminded – “Madam – You need to pay”. They know people will do anything for God ;) One small incident at my office – I had broken my sandals , since I couldn't walk with broken sandals, I had kept it aside and was roaming without sandals inside my office. Few people asked me –“What happened?”. I answered –“Its Thursday today and I don’t wear sandals on every Thursday as I offer my special prayers to God, asking him to fulfill one of my wish”. To my surprise maximum number of people blindly believed this and said – “Your wish will be fulfilled”. I was taken aback.People will take anything and everything in the name of God. What can you name them as ?

                                  After all 20 plus years of belief  that God exists has been constantly put into my head – Hard to wash it away at once! Recently I visited a temple.I had been to this temple after four long years – As soon as I saw the idol,tears rolled down my eyes.Even today when I think about it I wonder “why?".May be I felt a ray of hope OR May be I felt there is someone listening to me, OR may be I felt I will fight and win my battle.

                                  Its good to believe in some Power which inspires you with faith and builds up hopes to move ahead in life. Let that power be named as “God” ! Why not ?! Go to him when you want to gain confidence.Go to him when you want to feel better, Go to him when you want to believe that things will be good soon, but meanwhile do believe in yourself first, Put your effort  in everything you want, if you fail analyse why and attempt again rather than blaming God. Don't wait for God to make a way for you.If you do so,you are a fool.You choose your way and let him be your support. Remember you should be your own guide and he will only be your support when you are down. If you are a believer don’t expect him to wear your shoes and run the race for you, he will only keep the ground clean for you to run your race. 

                                             

The game of “Let go” and “Hold on”

             I believe most of you would have crossed this phase in their life at times- To hold on and to let go.

Few years back - It was a tough time for me holding on to each other in a group of people(just because we wanted to stay together),then later holding on seemed so difficult that all of us had to let go one another to keep ourselves happy. Days passed by wondering “Where we went wrong” and trying to set things right but the holding on torture was too much that none of us were able to be normal again. Today we are connected individually but still apart as a complete group. Each one of us has moved on with a new beginning. Definitely it took me hell a lot of time to be back to normal again.

              Many a times,this lesson of “Let go” and “Holding on” are self learnt due to one’s own experience or may be these lessons are taught since childhood in small steps.For Example: when you were a kid, u must have played with your friends, cousins, neighbours who came to your house for a visit –you enjoy playing with them so much that you don’t want them to leave you and go , you ask them to stay at your home forever.But your parents say “Let them go, They have important work ,They will finish the work and will be back to play with you in the evening”. So here your parents lie to you to keep you happy and ask you to let them go with hopes that they will soon be back. Since you are a small Kid you tend to forget things very soon and get diverted that you hardly remember in the evening about the promise made before they left.

But as you grow up things change,The definition of “Let go” is now at a bigger level. Moving away from someone’s life for what so ever reasons it may be! Or in another word,finishing your role/part in that someone’s life! You tend to remember and miss the person whom you have “let go”. I wish our memory would still be like a Kid’s memory in such matters. Unfortunately its not! Their every  talks,deeds etc tend to reflect infront of your eye very often.There is nobody to give you promise of coming back and moreover we are matured enough to understand and predict the reality.Its just hopes  that might keep us going ! Hopes shatter many a times whereas few tend to be lucky though.

Holding on is another such game where you don’t want to loose someone/something important that means a lot to you and hence you tend to keep holding on and take everything  that’s coming on your way – Here your patience is at stake.Once your patience is lost holding on becomes too difficult !Yet Again, priority matters, Patience wins priority sometimes !

Sadly, My Life has played this game of "let go" and "hold on" unwillingly often.Each time I think I am good at holding on and letting go,I realize I am just the beginner !!!This is a very dangerous game,which will grind your emotions,feelings,confidence,smile etc at one shot ! - if your life has never given you a chance to play this game you have been blessed !! Be happy to be so ! All I can say is Sometimes you have to keep holding on unwillingly and sometimes you have to let go though you don’t want to -Not because you want it that way, its because you have no other option and its good that way ! Either ways you choose, you are hurt!!

             

Innocence –who can be the best on it except kids ?

                 I am pathetic in decision making.When I am confused I just leave the decision open and avoid thinking about it. Recently it happened that I had to take a decision that would be major in my life. I had to give an answer and my answer would change my life along with other person’s as well. I dint know what my heart wants and what my mind says. OR may be I dint want to listen!!! I have still left the decision open, leaving it on time, being prepared to accept the way it comes to me. Not sure if I will regret later on. Basically when this thought of deciding was running on my mind for days together I was trying to distract myself in all possible ways .As usual the first thing I did was jotting down few words which dint help, then reading novel which dint seem to be interesting anymore, going out for a walk where roads seemed too long, listening to all sorts of music which sounded pathetic and then finally sleeping for hours where my eyes were adamant not to doze off. I gave up and started working for extra hours at office, this one helped slightly though not completely.

              During this phase, it so happened that I had to travel to my grandparents place. This is a place where I have spent all my summer holidays, Millions of memories to cherish here. My bro was getting married and hence the entire family had a get together. I had been to this small town after 4 long years! Had never been there once I moved to city called Bangalore. Never realized days were running so fast. Now that I was seeing all my cousins together after long time I realized how things have changed with time. I had now lost count of all my niece and nephews. There were many new additions to my family. The ones with whom I had spent my days playing around -fightingwere responsible people with their own sweet family ;) Few little ones whom I cuddled when they were young had now grown up taller than me and they now shared their girlfriend, boyfriend stories with me! My closest cousins were now husband-wife and few others were mom-dad J - So I took some time to understand my modified large family hierarchy cycle. We had kids of all age in our family at this moment!!  And  with my confused state of mind I preferred to spend my time with Kids , I enjoyed being with them and they enjoyed being with me !!!!

                One little niece sticked on to me continuously since she met me, At first she held my hand then came to me and sat on my lap. We had to travel to another place for wedding ceremony and this little gal sat on my lap from the beginning of journey not willing to join her mother. I grabbed her attention showing her the world outside the window. Kids are always excited. Each thing in the world looked new to them. They have their own logic and imagination and they link it the way they want it. And here we are, youngsters cribbing about all wrong things that happens with us. We fail to notice the beauty of world around us. Its better we learn the childhood lessons all over again from these tiny tots. The journey was long and my niece was now sleepy. She rested her small head on my left arm and dozed off without realizing. Now she was probably in her dream world. Each time the vehicle took a turn or brakes were applied I protected her with my right arm so that she wouldn’t hit her head on the window pane. I was wondering Kids are so innocent that they would ideally love or hate any person at very first go and we grownups add hundreds of if’s and but’s before we actually trust a relation.

                 Now coming on to the hyper-active kids of today, I have one of my most fav nephew, 4 years old. I love him for all his mischief. His parents are invited regularly to school by Teacher to complain on him. 

He wants me around when he would want me to open the refrigerator door for him and to hold him in my arms to reach the refrigerator top to flick chocolates since he is too little to reach it.Couple of things in the house are missing since this guy has the habit of throwing things out of window. When this guy is angry he simply walks out of the gate saying he will never come back. Little does he know how to go further on the same road ;) – Basically the innocence of being straight in what he wants is shown up. Hardly these kids know the meaning of anger, sorry, revenge!

              
    I was totally involved with these little ones for four days and I actually forgot what I was worrying about. I cannot describe every kid with whom I spent the four days since it will go long into pages but Trust me, Kids are the best examples to make someone smile, and you get lost in their innocence. Though they don’t know what’s running in your mind, their every action around you takes you to a different world.
 

Tough Day !

You are the person who first held me in your hands
You are the person who first smiled at me with a tear of joy
You are the person who wiped my first tears
You are the person who held me tight in your arms

You are the person who made me smile
You are the person who taught me to talk
You are the person who showed the world to me
You are the person who blessed me everyday

You are the person who gave me support for my very first tiny step
You are the person who held my hand each time I was about to fall
You are the person who taught me what is right and wrong
You are the person responsible for a proud person that I am today

You made me strong when I was weak
You cheered me up when I was low
You made me win when I thought I had lost
You made me happy when I was sad

Though time has made us apart
By huge distance we now depart
I can never meet you again
I can never see you again

As you have have reached too far away
To a place where I cannot find a way
Yet I always stay connected to you in my own way
You are always loved dear mom!