LOVE

  It’s been quite a long time since I have written something on my blog page. They say there is a phase in everyone’s life where one gets lost in chaos. Probably I was going through the same for past few months. It took me months to find myself back again. After lots of travel and work, I finally took a long vacation just to be at home and do nothing.

              Now that I wanted to start the “writing” again, I asked my friend who is a writer to give me a topic on which I can start writing.

              She immediately said “Love”.

              This is a topic on which millions of people write.

              I said “Can I have a different topic please?” She said “No”.

              Yes, the young couples at malls, streets do make me notice them. I smile and wish Bless them within myself. I do have set of friends who are happily married to their Love, few eagerly waiting for their love, and few who are working out on the relationship to take it towards marriage. So the ultimate purpose ends up in marriage where both can live happily together forever and be there for each other through thick and thin.

  I am a soul who recently welcomed late 20’s on my last birthday and have limited year left to reach 30.Still Single, The topic love pisses me off these days because I miss being with my man who has still not turned up. The wait seems longer. But true that, no one can escape from bonding of Love. Even the most serious to most crazy character of humans, have to swim through this bonding. Afterall, love is the only source because of which the world exists.

 Now that he is not here yet, (I believe he might have taken a wrong route and is in a wrong direction who needs to get on right direction to reach me or probably is on his way) let me just assume that someday he will be right next to me making my wish come true. Sometimes I just wish if he had crossed my path by now, but then maybe he is late with a reason.

He has taught me to spend days without him around me 24*7.

He has taught to take a stand for myself in whatever I believe without any support.

He has taught me to love life the way it is and to love myself first the way I am.

He has taught to try my hands on everything that I want to try exploring –May it be writing, reading, drawing, travelling etc. etc.

He has taught me to explore the whole world alone being a strong woman.

He has taught me how to deal with wrong people and how to appreciate the right ones.

He has taught me everything a woman can do without a man by her side.

He has made me strong every day.

Today I have learnt to hide my tears and say “I am alright” with a big smile. I have learnt to be thankful for little that I have and to appreciate people in my life. I have learnt to put all broken pieces together and get up again. I have learnt to bring smile on peoples face and be there for them even when they least expect. I have learnt change is obvious. I have learnt emotions can bring you down if you let them to. I have learnt to believe in Destiny and I know that when it’s your time to meet me, nothing in this universe can stop it.

So my Love, wherever you are, I would want to let you know that I am waiting with my arms wide open to welcome you. I know it’s worth the wait but I am scared that this strong woman may also break down someday waiting for you to turn up. Make it faster before I give up my hopes. I can’t wait to hug you and let me in your arms. I want to get cuddled by you until my heart goes calm. I want to blow a kiss on your forehead and brush your hair slowly every morning when I wake up by your side. Single cup of coffee every morning doesn’t make me feel fresh these days. I need you to share a cup of coffee with me. Come soon, so that lets start celebrating Life together. J

"HE" is my "HERO"

                     

                               I have to write today! I have to write today because I am away from home and I miss being with the best person. A person who taught me what is Life, what is the world and showed me way towards light. I miss him often. I miss him more every day. All I get to do now is to visit him taking few days off OR multiple phone calls every day despite my busy schedules.

                                When I was five years old and had joined the school. He peddled cycle every day morning and afternoon for kilometers together just to drop and pick me up from school. I still remember the tiny green seat in front that was fixed only for me.It wasn’t an easy task, He felt tired and did stop at times at the side of road and then continued to peddle again. There wasn’t a single day when he complained about it. In fact he smiled each time he saw my face. He worked hard at office to give me the best of education and best of everything in Life.

                                “You are my world”- He always said and still continues to say even today! His job posted him to a different location. I was studying in primary school when he chose to move to different location all alone. Of course not by choice but because his job forced him too. Inspite of his health issues where he actually wanted mom to be around to help him, he dint take anyone of us with him. The only reason was he was posted to a location of tiny village where there was no education system available in those days. He dint want me to lose two years of my school education.

                                  I made him proud with my mark sheet each time he visited home. I was the school topper everytime.I would wait for the day he would come. I would keep all my prizes and certificates that I had won on the table. He would pat on my back and praise my hard work. He would also get me some gift each time he travelled home. 

                                  I remember that day when I had asked him for a teddy. I had seen few of my friends owning big teddies and out of nowhere I too wanted to own one. Honestly, I don’t know why I wanted a teddy because I was never fond of it anytime. May be I just wanted to have one like everyone else. I thought my dad would immediately buy me one but he dint. He said “Teddy haan? The doll that is made up of clothes and cotton. What will my daughter do with it? It cannot talk and walk. You can simply carry it. What do you get from owning a teddy?”  I kept quiet. He continued “I would want my daughter to ask me some useful gifts. Like you ask me books that you want to read and get knowledge from. Any book of your choice. I will buy millions of it for you.”  I looked at him with disappointed face. He later said “Ok, looks like you really want a teddy but you will get a small teddy first, after few months if you still wish to own a big teddy then let me know”. He further continued “And to get the small teddy you need to work hard and score a rank this final exam”. That was an easy task for me then. I worked hard and stood first in my class. My dad kept his promise with small teddy as my gift. Within few weeks I had lost all the interest in that boring teddy and dint want a big teddy anymore. Infact I just kept the small teddy only for the reason that it was a gift from my dad. This continued in every phase of my life. I would be made aware of what is worth owning and then gifted with what I want at the right time. This taught me value of everything I own in life and also taught me to get things by working hard. The joy that you feel is immense. I was gifted with cycle and scooty when it was necessary at right time. Never got it immediately when I asked for it the first time.

                                  I grew up. Young hot blood was flowing in my body .Things had gradually changed. I wasn’t the same rank holder student anymore in my studies. There were times I let him down. There were times I made him feel low. There were times I made him angry. There were times I felt helpless .There were times I was ashamed of myself but he still stood beside me proudly. There was a time I broke into bits and pieces. He used all his strength, gathered those broken pieces together and made it one again. My respect towards him increased and love towards him doubled.

                                  Today I am in a state where I need to make time to make a phone call just to talk to him. I cannot talk to him for hours together sitting next to him as I stay away from home while he is always next to me whenever I need him. He is still working on giving me best in my life and I am not able to be his strength. He is always there when I want him but I am never available. Yea, I am definitely working on being there for him.

                                  His patience, his courage, his determination and will power is what I always wish to develop in me. He is my strength from the day I was born and even today and for future. Yes! He is my first HERO, my DAD! – Today whenever he sees me, he still gives me hopes on how to deal with Life, to stay determined, to be positive and that keeps me pushing ahead. I LOVE YOU MORE DAD!                                 

Tough Day !

You are the person who first held me in your hands
You are the person who first smiled at me with a tear of joy
You are the person who wiped my first tears
You are the person who held me tight in your arms

You are the person who made me smile
You are the person who taught me to talk
You are the person who showed the world to me
You are the person who blessed me everyday

You are the person who gave me support for my very first tiny step
You are the person who held my hand each time I was about to fall
You are the person who taught me what is right and wrong
You are the person responsible for a proud person that I am today

You made me strong when I was weak
You cheered me up when I was low
You made me win when I thought I had lost
You made me happy when I was sad

Though time has made us apart
By huge distance we now depart
I can never meet you again
I can never see you again

As you have have reached too far away
To a place where I cannot find a way
Yet I always stay connected to you in my own way
You are always loved dear mom!

Arranged Marriage..is it?

        Recently when I was involved in a conversation with my customer (UK based) he suddenly asked me a question; He asked “Do arranged marriages still happen in India?” I smiled and answered –“Yes”. He was in a shocked state and disappointed too, all he said was “I cannot believe this. How does this happen?”

       I guess we have many people out there who fit in for an “arranged marriage”! May it be out of choice or may it be on compulsion

        Few reasons as to how do you fit in for an arranged marriage would be - “Dint find my Mr. Perfect so far”, “Dint fall in love with the right person hence can’t take further chances and tolerate any more heart breaks”, “Fell in love with the right person but dint end up being together so that is the end of it”, “Never fell in love” (Though I find this reason insane for normal human being), “Was completely focused on my career growth at my 20’s and plus, and its already too late now to take in chances ,to fall in love”(I think age doesn’t matter to fall in love) or the most famous one would be “I trust my parent’s choice and I want to keep them happy”, Reasons would be never ending!

        Keeping the reasons apart, now that one is here, this is what you would need to go through- A total crappy process yet looks beautiful if everything goes out to be fine. Now that you are IN, here is all that you have to take! “Pain” OR “Gain” you judge it yourself.

What is it?

DEFINITION: Risk taken by an individual to spend entire life with a stranger with hopes of having beautiful life together forever.
 The entire process of getting oneself hooked with someone in an arranged marriage- This is the way it goes (I may not be absolutely correct in mentioning the process as I am not familiar to this and I guess this process also differs with respect to different states and castes.)

PROCESS

A SHEET OF PAPER   – This is a sheet of paper that is designed based on your date and time of birth which holds your complete details (bio-data) and would be passed on to those people with whom you would like to take chance with. This sheet of paper is called horoscope. This sheet would also contain your height, age, work company details etc etc .Similar to your “resume” when one is in search of job. The only difference here is you are in search of a “person” and not job. Based on this sheet of paper, (comparing the horoscope of both guy and gal) one would actually tell you how compatible you are with each other, how well you get along etc. Strange that people trust this sheet more than themselves. Once the person you believe (This person makes money here with this job) tells you that your horoscope is a match, you can go ahead. Then it follows the next step.

SAY CHEESE – Since your horoscope is declared “good to go ahead”, next is the exchange of photograph. Of course one should know how the partner looks before they say a “yes” or a “No”. Trust me now that you are on sale the best you look in the photograph the more you are on demand! May it be photo effects or may it be natural. The photographer would ask you say cheese and click from all angles to make you look your best in the photo. Your photo may be a “pass” to him/her or “fail”. If it’s a pass, then there you go further.

CHECK THEM OUT – Now that there are high chances of you getting hooked up as the photograph is a “pass” you would definitely want to make sure that you are getting into the right family. So you just do a check on family background directly or indirectly with the help of family friends, cousins, neighbors, colleagues (In short trying to collect as much information as possible with all known people, who knows about the person you chose, the family, and the background/past). Lot of miscommunication happens at this phase as people are more interested in other family matters. Now that you give them a chance, why would they ignore it..!
If you are the only daughter or only son - then you are just great, who the hell cares about your negative points, After all you will be the Owner of kingdom after your parents! Also if you are a part of a big family with rich dad and big status you are on high demand.

FACE TO FACE – After all the above steps if you have still retained your interest of sticking onto arranged marriage then here you go for “face-to-face” meet with the person of your choice (sorry! Did I just say your choice?! I meant to say the world’s choice for you). Both families decide to meet up, along with the guy and gal giving them a chance to look at each other and talk to each other.(Early days Location would have been temple, own house with gal in a traditional saree serving tea/coffee but now we have improved to meet at CCD etc and place an order for Coffee) .I don’t know what one would talk to a total stranger (I don’t find topics to talk to a “known” person when I am one on one with them), what details one would share with a stranger.Morever “TRUST” – how? Lucky those years 2010 and plus gives chances of multiple meets before a guy/gal makes their precious decision (Am I supposed to say we have improved :P)

SIGN OFF DEAL -  So the final decision of being REJECTED(for whatsoever reasons it may be-like your height, weight, looks,past,family,character,age,job, Sometimes even for the most silly reasons which is not even your fault) OR decision of being SELECTED is declared to the other family and the date of wedding is fixed. Wait a min! Did I miss to say the Sign-off deal includes the dowry matters as to how much would you pay(may it be in terms of money,gold,estate,car etc.) to get yourself selected.
In short, you are hired! You would have lost your patience during this process and at times you would have also felt that you should NOT have opted for an arranged marriage. Basically you are now here to start a new life filled with responsibilities and risks with an unknown person. [I missed to add the word “happiness” in previous sentence :P ]Hope you have chosen the right person and are being lucky..!

Was just wondering if I could make my customer read this blog ;) –Because all I told him that moment was “Arranged marriages does happen in India and works out many a times” :)

Confused Mind....!!

Please Note :  This was written long back, just found it in my old book when i flipped through the pages.

I simply don’t know what I feel for you.

But I know you are special to me.

I want you to be with me

I want to spend time with you

I want to talk to you

I want to laugh with you

You said you too wish the same

Then why did you let go

I dint say – “move on”

Nor did I say – “Wait for me”

Deep down my heart I wished  

You would take a turn to look back at me.

I know my silence said it all

I may not have agreed to give you happiness

Doesn’t mean I wished to give you sorrows

I still respect and value you the same

And you will remain special to me ever.

I know you need time

You cannot be the same friend to me again

Dont hate me

Because I am not that BAD at all.

Get to know someone Random !

She was away from the entire world for a long time, She enjoyed being alone, She was once famous for being talkative and notorious and now famous for her silence. She had learnt smile can never hurt others whereas words do,So the only answer she gave to everyone now for all their questions was a Smile.Indeed a sweet smile!!She dint like to socialize anymore. She loved loneliness, pen, paper and books  more than people!she pushed herself away  from all people may it be good or bad. Thus she was for almost year and a half!

One fine day she receives an email, Content included – “I would be visiting your place, wanna meet?”The moment she saw the e-mail there was no second thought and she immediately sent a reply – She typed “Sure, We can catch up”. This was basically because the sender was the person whose work she had always admired and have always wanted  to meet. That night they exchanged few messages about the meet.

Next day was like any other normal day, A small get together meet was planned in the evening !When the time of meet was near she was not able to be “herself”. She could sense a strange feeling and she was not sure to judge what is it?! Is it the excitement,happiness or is it the fear? Mind couldn’t make sense  and that’s when she picks up her phone,quickly dials her friend’s number and says about the meet. She says – “something is troubling me, I really don’t know what!”

No idea how big Thanks she owes to her friend today who answered her.Her friend said – “Look at you, what’s gone wrong ?? You were not the same when we were together at college,You dint even spare the college guardian and peon from your dialy talks and morning wishes.You  socialized a lot then. You have pushed yourself into a shell for no mistake of yours. Its high time for you to come out of your shell.Come out before you loose yourself completely”.She said “ok ,thanks for those words,talk to you you later,” and there ended the call with her friend.

She sat down for few seconds and quickly had a recap on every single chapter of her life.Details of her life plastered all over! She smiled and got ready for the quick evening meet.

The meet was extremely  beautiful.Her meet included two most lovely people on the earth and she enjoyed every tiny bit of it.The talks,games,dinner,cake-cutting etc etc.She was amazed and moreover surprised to see their simplicity.She had admired their work  but now she admired them more than their work ! Once she knew them it was never like she had not known them before. Probably she is still searching for the perfect words  to describe those two wonderful folks she met ! She had her best day. Just before the bye she felt like giving them a hug and saying  – “you guys are fantastic”.But she shushed her little voice.

She had taken the first step out of her Shell ! She realized that she had been away from the beautiful world all these days !

Life doesn’t throw only right things at you, Sometimes it throws wrong things at you and thus you value “THE RIGHT”… Though things go wrong,continue to see the world the same way like you did see it before, love the world the same way like you loved it before.Remember the whole world is not bad !! 

Tender Heart

Is there someone who knocks at your door?

Is there someone who begs you to give a chance to make your life beautiful?

Is there someone who wants to fill your life with colours?

OR

is it the other way round-

Is there someone who wants to see light in his/her dark life and likes you to be the bright light that could shine in his/her life forever?

Is there someone whose life is an open book filled with blank pages and likes you to be the one to fill colours to the pages of his/her book forever?

What would you do?

When your mistakes, reflects in front of you, you regret and then you stop.

You don’t go ahead as you might fall.

You don’t trust as you might breakdown.

You don’t splash colours because the only colours you have is black and white.

You don’t want to be the light since you are lost in darkness.

A new person knocks the door again. You ask your heart-“Shall I open the door or keep it closed?”

You wonder -what about those, who have knocked the door long back and still wait for the door of your heart to open.

Choice would be the only one.

But would you ever make a choice?

If YES, would it be the right choice?

My Tender Heart –“Why don't you speak?”

Thanks,sorry,forgive,forget !

BEFORE: [I thought ] – The world is beautiful because of these words!

“Thanks” - A word that can be used as a way of gesture for a person who  has helped you in any possible way! A word from heart to the person who made you smile and happy!

               But I learnt  and felt the real meaning of Thanks when I had to hear - “Thanks, You made me realize life is painful”

“Sorry” – A word that re-joins the broken bond, this word brings a smile on fuming face.Interms of misunderstandings,this single word unites the loved ones and brings them closer!

                But I learnt and felt the real meaning of Sorry when I had to hear – “Sorry, It’s all over between me and you”

“Forgive” – A word that makes one forget all the grudges, also reduces long gap among people and helps to turn two people from enemies to friends!

                But I learnt  and felt the real meaning of Forgive when I had to hear – “Forgive me because I was once part of your life”

“Forget” - A word  that gives you relief from your past mistakes,vanishes  your  worries, that

can make your regrets and pains to disappear!

                But I learnt  and felt  the real meaning of Forget when I had to hear – “Forget me for once and forever”

AFTER : [Now I think] -The world would have been more beautiful without these words !

For all those who  feel life is beautiful with these words,think twice at every step of your life and act accordingly as its better to make sure that these words never come to you in a hard way !

Did i do a "Mistake" ?

Lost is the “understanding” we shared

Lost is the “attachment” we had

Lost is the “deep bonding” we developed

Lost are the days when I could read your thoughts even before your speech

I spent days and nights together

With a wound of guilt seep in

Never did I let those tears pour from my eyes

Nor did I let my heavy heart speak out those words

I swallowed the pain of guilt

Being myself, being strong

Being away from the world

All alone

I asked same question everyday to myself

“Where did we lose our care for each other?”

I blamed myself every moment

“Did I do a mistake?”

Thousand thoughts running across my head all day

And me Eager to flush out all running thoughts at once

But it was time to choose

Whether  ”to hold on”  or “to let go"

I was searching for answers within me

Never were those questions answered by me

I realised   “sorry” was  too short to say

I realised   “Don’t leave me” was too much to ask for

Lost is the “love” and “care”

Lost is the “me”  in “you”

Lost is the “us” in “we”

“Lost”  forever and ever

I wonder why is it so.. ??!!

Every day and every moment I feel you by my side

Every now and every then I see you in my ride

Every minute I realize I miss you so

Every second I wonder why is it so

I think of you day and night

I want you to hold me tight

I think of you never leaving me

I want you to believe me

There’s no shine I see in the sun

There’s no light I see in the moon

There’s no love I feel within

There’s no joy I feel within

I feel you near

Hope someday you hear

I feel you close

Hope someday I never loose

'ME' and 'LIFE'

It is always said “Best lessons of Life are learnt only after experience”.I never agreed to this statement. I always argued saying “Best lessons of life” can be learnt by knowing others experiences, U can always learn from everyone. But I recently found that there is infact lots of differences when u learn from others and when you experience yourself. And trust me this difference is not tiny but very huge.


The kind of feeling I went through for an year almost.I had lost the continuity of life for some reasons.My Life was going on a superfast rollercoaster ride,so many  ups  and downs.There was something lacking in everyting I do.The feel  of lack of happiness and satisfaction every now and then.I would be part of fun with my friends, laugh with them, go to work but could not feel the happiness to the fullest .Nothing seemed right at times ! Everything just too messy around me and when things were going on right track, there it slips again! I wished to press "PAUSE" button of my Life if i had an option.


It was a fight between me and Life. Every second I had to fight back. And c’mon Thanks to this wonderful Society, How lovely it is.The society laughs with u when u r laughing but when u cry,again it laughs at u, some pity on you ,Some see u and make sure they utilize every chance to make fun of u and and some who will catch u half the way and then disappear in between. I hate to say I had to place few people who were in my heart ,away from my heart, they had lost their value n my respect towards them in this phase of my Life. Also few gained my respect and I valued them.Each time I moved forward all these would push me back again ! I was trying to get myself back every now and then.I Never wanted to loose myself.The liveliness, charm and “ME” is what I always wanted to keep alive . The struggle between me and Life was hard to survive !


All this, made me more tough.This is when I came to know what exactly it means  by fighting back.How does it feel when u undergo through all circumstances of life,I understood clearly  what it  is when we say our loved ones  “Everything will be fine” when things are in a bad state.The pain they might be undergoing  is something which we cant  feel  nor  can we imagine in our wildest dreams when we try to convince them to make them feel better..My value,respect,love towards few(including my parents) grew more and more everyday in this phase of  my life.


Trust me !!! Today I never regret the year of ups and downs I went through.I learnt at every single step from everyting and everyone and  now I know Whats my Life.I can give the Definition of my Life in my words with a meaning to every single word.Each word might be painful but I Love every bit of the pain , every tiny pinch of it where I never forgot my smile, I stood for myself .Today whatever I am,my Life is,I live it.


My Life has still continued the roller-coaster ride,So what! Life simply goes on :)

Need "U"

It was never the end
I know it changed
Why were u blind
To know the pain
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here


Why don't you know
What made me this way
Why did you give up
Leaving me alone
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here


Every moment i was here
I was screaming my heart out
I survived each day
Without any fear
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here


I was fighting back
I was in pieces
Every single day
Was too long
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here


U said u know it all
U said u will be near
U said u will never let my tear
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here


I wish to bring u back
I wish to be the reason for ur smile
I wish to let you realise
I  still need you
If only u could understand
All I want is “YOU”

May be "I am lucky"!!

Heart  shattered being desperate for few words
Eyes insearch of those  who had  promised  "I am there for u"
Ears eager to hear  a "hi"
Arms wanting a hug
Heart  heavy in need of that shoulder where head could rest
Pain hidden but still continued the smile

Loneliness was killing around
As Loneliness became too long
Heart slowly fell in love with it and enjoyed it
Loneliness became  the best feeling  ever

Time taught where one stands
Time pointed spoken words that were never followed
Time showed  relationship may not stay forever
Time echoed the past that witnessed present 

It never hurts nor does it regret to see those faces
The same smiling faces that taught the lesson of life
Its happiness for all around that matters
Though heart misses a beat at times

Thats not the end!
As wonderful love was showered
Unspoken words cared
And there were hearts that wanted the pain to disappear
The ones who had never promised.

Now tellme what should be valued more
The unspoken words that cared or the spoken words that failed
Painful yet wonderful lesson of life
Which noticed  those few who held the hand!!
May be  "I am LUCKY";)

Do Love your Loved Ones !

       At times  you might have felt you want everyone but nobody wants you.You also feel that you have lost everyone who are dear to you.Though you know very well that you don't have to be miserable for no reasons because you are damn sure that you have not done anything wrong and you know very well that  you deserve to be happy always but  you cant help it...There can be  people who understand you though you don't tell them and they try to pull you back to yourself very often...Treat such people as angels in your life because there are only a few of them. And also there are  people who can understand you completely but still they don't give a damn though they are your loved ones,this hurts to the core and it makes you feel that this is the worst phase of your life.Situation shows Human reality,Very True is what you feel.You may also feel why on the earth did you compromise so much for those people who can hardly understand all this and why do you still be with them and love them the same as before.Frankly speaking,even i don't know the answer for this..Maybe somewhere unknowingly we have compromised ourselves so much for their happiness that we still wait for them to turn and look back at us at least once and say "I am there with u". 


Just a small sentence from your loved ones can bring you back soon instead of ten sentences from people who are not close to you saying "Be Back to normal?","Whats wrong?","I hope things will get better soon".etc.etc.I know very well that i can put in an effort to make them realise but how until when ? This is something  you cannot force your loved ones  to understand until they realise it themselves.I feel giving an explanation to them about this  and then making them understand  is not worth.Never  mistake this as ego. Its just too much of compromises.But i have just one small question "When my loved ones can easily move on without getting hurt why cant I??"..Was the attachment only from my side that i am finding it so hard.Is it that easy to Let a person go far away.Not easy for me anytime .Still trying to figure out how is it for them!!!!



So Do Love your Loved Ones.Hug them tight when they need it,Respect their love and care shown towards you,Catch their hands when they are all alone.Be with them and make them smile!Never let them go!
x