"HE" is my "HERO"

                     

                               I have to write today! I have to write today because I am away from home and I miss being with the best person. A person who taught me what is Life, what is the world and showed me way towards light. I miss him often. I miss him more every day. All I get to do now is to visit him taking few days off OR multiple phone calls every day despite my busy schedules.

                                When I was five years old and had joined the school. He peddled cycle every day morning and afternoon for kilometers together just to drop and pick me up from school. I still remember the tiny green seat in front that was fixed only for me.It wasn’t an easy task, He felt tired and did stop at times at the side of road and then continued to peddle again. There wasn’t a single day when he complained about it. In fact he smiled each time he saw my face. He worked hard at office to give me the best of education and best of everything in Life.

                                “You are my world”- He always said and still continues to say even today! His job posted him to a different location. I was studying in primary school when he chose to move to different location all alone. Of course not by choice but because his job forced him too. Inspite of his health issues where he actually wanted mom to be around to help him, he dint take anyone of us with him. The only reason was he was posted to a location of tiny village where there was no education system available in those days. He dint want me to lose two years of my school education.

                                  I made him proud with my mark sheet each time he visited home. I was the school topper everytime.I would wait for the day he would come. I would keep all my prizes and certificates that I had won on the table. He would pat on my back and praise my hard work. He would also get me some gift each time he travelled home. 

                                  I remember that day when I had asked him for a teddy. I had seen few of my friends owning big teddies and out of nowhere I too wanted to own one. Honestly, I don’t know why I wanted a teddy because I was never fond of it anytime. May be I just wanted to have one like everyone else. I thought my dad would immediately buy me one but he dint. He said “Teddy haan? The doll that is made up of clothes and cotton. What will my daughter do with it? It cannot talk and walk. You can simply carry it. What do you get from owning a teddy?”  I kept quiet. He continued “I would want my daughter to ask me some useful gifts. Like you ask me books that you want to read and get knowledge from. Any book of your choice. I will buy millions of it for you.”  I looked at him with disappointed face. He later said “Ok, looks like you really want a teddy but you will get a small teddy first, after few months if you still wish to own a big teddy then let me know”. He further continued “And to get the small teddy you need to work hard and score a rank this final exam”. That was an easy task for me then. I worked hard and stood first in my class. My dad kept his promise with small teddy as my gift. Within few weeks I had lost all the interest in that boring teddy and dint want a big teddy anymore. Infact I just kept the small teddy only for the reason that it was a gift from my dad. This continued in every phase of my life. I would be made aware of what is worth owning and then gifted with what I want at the right time. This taught me value of everything I own in life and also taught me to get things by working hard. The joy that you feel is immense. I was gifted with cycle and scooty when it was necessary at right time. Never got it immediately when I asked for it the first time.

                                  I grew up. Young hot blood was flowing in my body .Things had gradually changed. I wasn’t the same rank holder student anymore in my studies. There were times I let him down. There were times I made him feel low. There were times I made him angry. There were times I felt helpless .There were times I was ashamed of myself but he still stood beside me proudly. There was a time I broke into bits and pieces. He used all his strength, gathered those broken pieces together and made it one again. My respect towards him increased and love towards him doubled.

                                  Today I am in a state where I need to make time to make a phone call just to talk to him. I cannot talk to him for hours together sitting next to him as I stay away from home while he is always next to me whenever I need him. He is still working on giving me best in my life and I am not able to be his strength. He is always there when I want him but I am never available. Yea, I am definitely working on being there for him.

                                  His patience, his courage, his determination and will power is what I always wish to develop in me. He is my strength from the day I was born and even today and for future. Yes! He is my first HERO, my DAD! – Today whenever he sees me, he still gives me hopes on how to deal with Life, to stay determined, to be positive and that keeps me pushing ahead. I LOVE YOU MORE DAD!                                 

Parallel Universe

A different world, a different universe. It’s a land of colors.I sat in a white cloud high up in the light blue sky. I was sitting on a cloud. The cloud was moving slowly and I was immersed in admiring the color of sky. The cloud stopped in front of a white dome shaped castle and I got down. I looked around. Tiny little blue birds, size of my thumb were flying around with a sweet humming sound. Bright little glittery balls were bouncing up and down all over. I smiled and walked ahead.

 After walking many steps I stood in front of a big door. The door had its own magnificent design. I went close and was immersed in observing the artistic design. I saw “HAPPINESS” was only word written on a big door. The door was completely white similar to the color of milk. I stood infront of the door with my mouth wide open. The door opened automatically. I saw left and right. I could see no one. I just ran inside very quickly. To my surprise there was no one inside. It was a total calm place with literally nothing. I ran back to the door again but it was closed. I tried hard to open the door but it went in vain. I sat down disappointed. After few minutes I got up and tried opening the door again but it dint help. I then turned back started walking ahead. The place was very silent and calm. If a needle was dropped down I bet I could have heard the sound.

             After walking for more than half an hour I saw another big door. This time the door was already open. The door was highly classic design and was brown in color, I went in. On both the sides stood line of strange people. They were dressed up like they were from an ancient ancestor’s age. A small crown on each person’s head, a heavy metal covered their body and everyone had a round shaped antique piece held in their hand. As I entered, these people on both ends bowed down their head at once. I was surprised and continued walking.

              I reached the third door. I have never seen a door as beautiful as this in my life. It had all the colors I had seen so far in my life. It was just amazing. It had no design but only colors. I tried opening the door but it dint work. I pushed it hard, the door dint open. I put all my strength and pushed the door with great and full force this time and the door opened at once. I went inside. I could hear light music, see beautiful butterflies, bright shining stars falling down all over and melting on the ground. I saw the balloons of heart shape in Red color around me in the air. I was happy and I felt good. I caught the shining stars in my hand and it melted in my hand. My hands felt the cold tickling feeling.

               Suddenly I heard a voice, a voice that was powerful and commanding. A voice that was firm and a voice that one wanted to listen over and over again. The voice whispered “You have crossed three doors of Life that everyone always wants. First door which was complete white and the place where you saw nothing was place of PEACE. The second door where people bent down when you entered was place of RESPECT. And the final door where you felt very happy and extremely good was place of LOVE. The ultimate powerful emotion in every human’s life and the emotion from which no human can escape from. Your LIFE is now complete! “The voice stopped and I stood there blank.

               Immediately a strong breeze passed by and I couldn’t stand in the same place.I was blown away with the wind. “Thud” I fell down. I opened my eyes and I was in the same crazy daily world, I had fallen down on the ground from my bed. I searched for my phone and saw the time. I was late to my office. I smiled at the thought that i named as "Parallel Universe" and there I went ahead for my usual routine.

               

"Small Incident"

          I still remember those childhood days. I was a school going girl.An annual day function happens every year in every school .We students perform many cultural events, entertainment. Also students who have done achievements in that academic year will be awarded too. I was one among many students selected by the school teacher to act in a drama. We students were supposed to give stage performance on a theme as per teacher’s instructions. The drama contained many characters and each role was given to individual students based on their capacity to bring out the best in those characters.

                   The main role was of a Tiger. My Teacher selected me for this role. She said “ Dear,I know you have the potential and you will perfectly fit into this role.This is the main character in whole drama and you would be on maximum focus as you would be performing in all the scenes.” I really don’t know why but I said “No, Please give me a real small role.I don’t want to be on main role.” My Teacher tried to convince me and then finally gave up.She then gave this role to some other student. In return I got a role of a servant where I had to be on stage only for one scene of the drama.Very minimal dialogue.I was very happy.

       That day I came back home and told my mom the story of how I denied to take a major role.I got an unusual reaction from her.Her first question was “Can I know why?” in a very calm tone. I answered “Because I felt I cannot do it.” Then she asked,"How do you know that you wont be able to play that role? Did you give it a try?”. I answered,“No,I just felt”.She blasted me right then.She said “Did you deny that major role and chose to opt for something minimal.Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Do you even know what does it mean when you decline something best coming your way?” I dint know why this bothered my mom.I was angry on her for scolding me.

       Next day my mom was at my school with me.She spoke to the teacher and I was given the major role back again.This time my teacher dint even ask me if I was OK with the role change.The practise started,continued with endless rehearsals, and finally the day came where we had to perform on stage.Our play was a hit and every character in the play performed the best including me.I was very happy after the play,I could see my mom smiling and clapping her hands.

                  If I look back now on this incident ,I realize she was right.She wanted her daughter to know  that her daughter is capable of it.She pushed me to do that role because she dint want to let her daughter diminish her self confidence on oneself. Now why did I refresh my childhood incident on this page is, since past few years as an IT professional, I have been exploring  new life, new journey. There are times when oppurtunities knock at my door.Many a times I tend to push it away(same like I did during my childhood) because of lack of self –confidence and then I realize I shouldn’t. Back then when I was a kid, I had my mother to take a stand for me when I wasn’t confident on myself.Now I am a grown up individual, my lesson of childhood should be something that I should carry forward,by being confident on  oneself and giving oppurtunities a try before I give up. And recalling this incident always gives me a push.Once you are grown up, you are on your own you see.

      Strange that every step of our parental nurture makes an impact on us to shape us as a wonderful human. Love them and Love yourself because they have shaped you as a beautiful person that you are today.  

Confused Mind....!!

Please Note :  This was written long back, just found it in my old book when i flipped through the pages.

I simply don’t know what I feel for you.

But I know you are special to me.

I want you to be with me

I want to spend time with you

I want to talk to you

I want to laugh with you

You said you too wish the same

Then why did you let go

I dint say – “move on”

Nor did I say – “Wait for me”

Deep down my heart I wished  

You would take a turn to look back at me.

I know my silence said it all

I may not have agreed to give you happiness

Doesn’t mean I wished to give you sorrows

I still respect and value you the same

And you will remain special to me ever.

I know you need time

You cannot be the same friend to me again

Dont hate me

Because I am not that BAD at all.

When was the last time you made someone happy !

 Nah ! Here I am not talking about impressing  “xyz”  by gifts! Let me convey the message quick and easy!

Just imagine,that you are out with a big group of your friends  on a great trip ! How do we place ourselves among the crowd!? Ofcourse, we plan a trip to relax ourselves ,to see new places and make sure we enjoy it to the fullest .Thats what even I would do.Have fun,play,dance,sing,pose  crazily for the photos,love the sight of beautiful places etc.All these days any  trip to me meant only this. But recently  I found out that a trip could be, more than “Just Fun”.

Do  you see this ?

A friend of you,might be lost in his/her thoughts and looks disturbed

Did you happen to notice this?-This friend of you might be part of the fun,talks,laughter among you but yet completely lost.Go,sit next to this friend and talk,Give a hug, Make him/her feel better.How does it feel when the same friend says – “There’s  a deep pain within me,which I remember often,But now I know there are more colours to Life and I am missing out on it, Thanks”.

A friend of you might be standing far away, watching you when you are on a high ride/water etc.-
Did you happen to notice this?-
This friend of you is too scared of heights. Who is happy to see others enjoying the high rides , Want to try but yet too scared of heights.

Get this friend,hold the hand and take him/her to the ride along with you, Ask this friend to trust you,nothing worse is gonna happen.How does it feel when the same friend tries the ride for the first time with fear and then comes back to you,hugs you and says “That was not as scary as I thought, Thanks buddy.!”

A friend of you might be a new one in the group

Did you happen to notice this? – 
This friend of you is a little uneasy because , all are new to him/her.Trying to mingle but needs  little more time.

Be with this friend,interact,get him/her involved in all your talks,Make him/her  laugh.

How does it feel when the same friend says – “ I had a nice day. Now that I know all of you now,it doesn’t  feel  like I had not known you before”

This  blog was written only with respect to a trip,Who knows , there may be many such people who badly need someone to make them happy and smile though in a small way !- May it be your own friend,loved one, a person sitting next to you at office, or a person who just waved you a hi ;)

If you happen to notice, then you know what you have to do ! - Its worth making someone happy and making  someone SMILE !

Do you remember when was the last time you made someone happy? – If  “YES” ,then there is going to be a next time too, Because you know how it feels . If “NO”, then it’s not too late to begin with,because you will know it’s the best feeling to make someone SMILE  though its only  for a moment :)

Tender Heart

Is there someone who knocks at your door?

Is there someone who begs you to give a chance to make your life beautiful?

Is there someone who wants to fill your life with colours?

OR

is it the other way round-

Is there someone who wants to see light in his/her dark life and likes you to be the bright light that could shine in his/her life forever?

Is there someone whose life is an open book filled with blank pages and likes you to be the one to fill colours to the pages of his/her book forever?

What would you do?

When your mistakes, reflects in front of you, you regret and then you stop.

You don’t go ahead as you might fall.

You don’t trust as you might breakdown.

You don’t splash colours because the only colours you have is black and white.

You don’t want to be the light since you are lost in darkness.

A new person knocks the door again. You ask your heart-“Shall I open the door or keep it closed?”

You wonder -what about those, who have knocked the door long back and still wait for the door of your heart to open.

Choice would be the only one.

But would you ever make a choice?

If YES, would it be the right choice?

My Tender Heart –“Why don't you speak?”

Thanks,sorry,forgive,forget !

BEFORE: [I thought ] – The world is beautiful because of these words!

“Thanks” - A word that can be used as a way of gesture for a person who  has helped you in any possible way! A word from heart to the person who made you smile and happy!

               But I learnt  and felt the real meaning of Thanks when I had to hear - “Thanks, You made me realize life is painful”

“Sorry” – A word that re-joins the broken bond, this word brings a smile on fuming face.Interms of misunderstandings,this single word unites the loved ones and brings them closer!

                But I learnt and felt the real meaning of Sorry when I had to hear – “Sorry, It’s all over between me and you”

“Forgive” – A word that makes one forget all the grudges, also reduces long gap among people and helps to turn two people from enemies to friends!

                But I learnt  and felt the real meaning of Forgive when I had to hear – “Forgive me because I was once part of your life”

“Forget” - A word  that gives you relief from your past mistakes,vanishes  your  worries, that

can make your regrets and pains to disappear!

                But I learnt  and felt  the real meaning of Forget when I had to hear – “Forget me for once and forever”

AFTER : [Now I think] -The world would have been more beautiful without these words !

For all those who  feel life is beautiful with these words,think twice at every step of your life and act accordingly as its better to make sure that these words never come to you in a hard way !

"A day"- see with difference

Everyday would end before I hardly realize my day has begun. Days just pass whereas I am totally indulged in my busy schedule. Today I wanted my day to be different. I want to see the world around me is what I thought. It’s the same place, the same normal-like day, same roads, same office and same schedule but still with a difference.All I decided to do is watch what’s going on around me in a different manner just for a day and thus began my day today

Every day when I go to office, I would sit in my cab with full-on music with eyes closed (feeling the lyrics of songs) and head rested on the seat or the second option would be I would be busy flipping pages of novel that I read .Today for a change I only put on my head set , played  light music .Today I kept the window of my cab open. I was sitting right near to the window. The cool breeze was making me feel the chill of weather. And as decided I was watching everything around me through the window. My cab had to put a break at one place due to traffic signal. There I saw a lady standing with her two kids on the street (a baby gal n a boy).Both kids were in their school uniform neatly dressed with a tie and shoes and a two sided bag on their back plus their lunch bag. They were waiting for school van I suppose. The boy was elder and the gal was younger .she looked like nursery going and the boy probably High school, I assumed. I was in the bus so all i could see was only the actions. The young gal was cranky abt going to school .Her face expression said it all. Mother talks to her son. Her son nods his head to what his mom told him and then immediately her elder son kisses his sister on her forehead and whispers something. The baby gal smiles. I wanted to see more of it but my cab started moving ahead. Probably mom gave some idea to her son to bring her daughter out of cranky mood is what I thought.

As my cab was moving ahead I saw a lady with uniform cleaning the roads, pushing all the fallen leaves n dust  on the road away with broom ...It looked like that was her daily duty and she would be paid for it. I also saw a van of school kids all in school uniform...I peeped into the van. This was the best, as I saw two kids in deep sleep in the van. One kid was snoring with mouth open. Among other kids three kids were playing among themselves with their hands, talking to each other .The other kid was with book open mugging up something. One more boy was busy looking outside the window. He looked at me all of a sudden. I smiled and waved him bye. He smiled too but no bye. May be he was too shy to wave a bye or maybe his parents might have warned not to be too friendly with strangers in a city which is actually good.

There we go, our cab stuck in between traffic. People were fed up waiting for traffic to get cleared. Frustration was seen on their face but I don’t know i was totally chilled out n all happy. All these tiny things that I was watching were making me happy. 

Now I could see a building construction that was going on through the window .How they load cement pull it up, and then unload the cement in it and again the process continues. Next inside my cab I could see a gal trying to pick eye lash fallen on her frens cheek n give it in her frens hands. Simultaneously, I could see people getting down their vehicles going at the side and bending down to get a peep of traffic as to when the traffic might get cleared. I could read frustration of waiting, on few people’s face.I observed a guy with his friend behind him on bike (He was calm probably was the only guy who was chilled out among many around who were totally frustrated of traffic) my cab moved a little front n now it stood next to another bus. Now i could see a gal in deep sleep inside the other bus near the window. I thought lucky gal who got fourty five extra mins to sleep in the bus bcos of traffic. ;) There was another gal in the same bus playing some game in her cell. There was a cartoon n some bridge kind of bars. All she had to do was make the cartoon jump over that bridge, one bridge after one...I could see she completed two levels and then my bus started moving again.

It started raining. The moment it started raining I cud see raindrops on my window n later it had covered all over the window pane. The lady who was in front seat of me closed the window as it started raining. I wanted to open it. When it started raining heavily i did open the window. I put my hand out. Tried to collect the rain drops but it’s difficult to do so, collecting rain water drops in hands is not an easy task.The gal who had closed the window turns back n looks at me. I gave her a smile. She could see me stretching both my hands out n playing in the rain...She smiles back at me n shifts to sum other seat.(I thought that was an indication that now I can open the window fully and enjoy the rain)By then the traffic was cleared n slowly my cab starts moving. Now i wanted to put my face out through the window and get it wet and i did it but not completely as i had to be aware of my one n only one head. Could not take a risk on that .Also that Wipro’s tiny little work was dependent on this head now. ;) Then came my office. Not to forget music was on all the way to keep me full on to observe all this.

I don’t know the reason but I had the best feeling that day. I felt Life is very beautiful and I am missing nothing in it. Every person on this earth can find happiness but just that only few people will happen to see it and rest are too busy looking at the negative side of life day to day. Life comes once, Love it and Live it.

Need "U"

It was never the end
I know it changed
Why were u blind
To know the pain
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here


Why don't you know
What made me this way
Why did you give up
Leaving me alone
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here


Every moment i was here
I was screaming my heart out
I survived each day
Without any fear
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here


I was fighting back
I was in pieces
Every single day
Was too long
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here


U said u know it all
U said u will be near
U said u will never let my tear
If only u could understand
I wanted you to be here


I wish to bring u back
I wish to be the reason for ur smile
I wish to let you realise
I  still need you
If only u could understand
All I want is “YOU”

Do Love your Loved Ones !

       At times  you might have felt you want everyone but nobody wants you.You also feel that you have lost everyone who are dear to you.Though you know very well that you don't have to be miserable for no reasons because you are damn sure that you have not done anything wrong and you know very well that  you deserve to be happy always but  you cant help it...There can be  people who understand you though you don't tell them and they try to pull you back to yourself very often...Treat such people as angels in your life because there are only a few of them. And also there are  people who can understand you completely but still they don't give a damn though they are your loved ones,this hurts to the core and it makes you feel that this is the worst phase of your life.Situation shows Human reality,Very True is what you feel.You may also feel why on the earth did you compromise so much for those people who can hardly understand all this and why do you still be with them and love them the same as before.Frankly speaking,even i don't know the answer for this..Maybe somewhere unknowingly we have compromised ourselves so much for their happiness that we still wait for them to turn and look back at us at least once and say "I am there with u". 


Just a small sentence from your loved ones can bring you back soon instead of ten sentences from people who are not close to you saying "Be Back to normal?","Whats wrong?","I hope things will get better soon".etc.etc.I know very well that i can put in an effort to make them realise but how until when ? This is something  you cannot force your loved ones  to understand until they realise it themselves.I feel giving an explanation to them about this  and then making them understand  is not worth.Never  mistake this as ego. Its just too much of compromises.But i have just one small question "When my loved ones can easily move on without getting hurt why cant I??"..Was the attachment only from my side that i am finding it so hard.Is it that easy to Let a person go far away.Not easy for me anytime .Still trying to figure out how is it for them!!!!



So Do Love your Loved Ones.Hug them tight when they need it,Respect their love and care shown towards you,Catch their hands when they are all alone.Be with them and make them smile!Never let them go!
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