When the Lift door Opened

It was the tallest building of 28 floors.

I had to get down to ground floor.

I got into the lift

I pressed ground floor

The door closed

I was all alone in the lift

The lift stopped at 23^rd floor

She got into the lift

The door closed

There she stood far away

I saw her again today and so did she look into my eyes

Her body had the perfect curves

Her strong aroma spread within the lift

Her fair legs shined with her half skirt

I just wanted that one moment with her

Only once and never again

Suddenly the lift felt a jerk

Lift had stopped, door still closed

We looked at each other again

We dint panic nor scream

The lift light went off

Exactly 10 seconds later, light started dim and dip

This continued and we still were looking at each other

The dim and dip of light continued

The lift felt the jerk second time and this time it was harder

She lost her balance and now was closer to me

She moved away slightly

Her strong aroma was pulling me towards her

I went closer to her

She dint push me away

I held her hand

She dint stop me

I pulled her towards me

She was now in my arms

She was smiling and her eyes closed

I touched her hair slowly and put it behind her ears

Her breath was all I could her

Her lips touching mine

Her eyes looked at me like shining stars when the lights continued dim dip

My hands now touched her hip

Her hands behind my neck

I kissed her neck 

I removed the thread knot of her dress

Now kissed her back

It was the moment

I had lost myself within her

She pulled out my tee shirt

My body on her

Her smooth skin touched my body

Her lips biting my chest

And we continued

Until we were one

On the floor we were lying on each other

Feeling each other’s breath

Closing our eyes

I feel the jerk again for third time

The dim dip light stops and its dark 

Swoosh! Lights on, I panic

The door opens

People behind me push me and move out of lift

Me perplexed and standing still

A guy standing next to me says, “Sir, excuse me,this is ground floor, we all need to get out”.

I see no sign of her

Wait a min,I look at myself

Am I fully dressed up but how

I smile at myself and get out of the lift

I just wanted that one moment with her

That one moment came to life in my thoughts.               

The Veil

Those eyes as beautiful as glittering star.

Those eyes were only what you could see

The veil hid everything else

The hair, the ears, nose, lips.

There hid something else behind the veil

I dumped all my feelings and emotions behind the veil

There was a secret that wasn’t supposed to be revealed

To this dark world

Each time I passed by you, my eyes did the talks.

Those eyes as dark as a sky with no moon light

Those eyes as sharp as bright sun

Those eyes which had no tears left

My eyes said to you, “I don’t belong to the world of love”

You continued to follow me with smile

I never removed the veil

I never let you see the real me

My thoughts were bombarding to seek revenge

Revenge of letting me alone in this world

I wanted the blood to flow again

This time it was blood of anger

Years ago,

My curly hair would always be open letting the breeze blow it

My lips would never miss to expand with smile

My ears would have the prettiest earrings which every girl would envy

But one day when I returned home

It was floor of blood

Blood of all my loved ones

No one alive, for no mistake they did

I was all alone with no one in this world

That day, I covered my face with the veil

And started running, I never looked back

I never looked at the world again without this veil.

This day, this moment the floor is filled with blood again

You are on the floor crying hard exactly like how I did years ago

Blood of your loved ones are flowing covering the whole floor

Your hands are shivering, so did mine years ago

But your family showed no mercy to me years ago.

Now that my heart is content with revenge,

And I am lying down on the floor with my flowing blood.

Your eyes meets my eyes again and this time there is no smile on your face

You look at my eyes surprised

I remove my veil and you see my face

I look at you and smile

And that is my last breath!

LOVE

  It’s been quite a long time since I have written something on my blog page. They say there is a phase in everyone’s life where one gets lost in chaos. Probably I was going through the same for past few months. It took me months to find myself back again. After lots of travel and work, I finally took a long vacation just to be at home and do nothing.

              Now that I wanted to start the “writing” again, I asked my friend who is a writer to give me a topic on which I can start writing.

              She immediately said “Love”.

              This is a topic on which millions of people write.

              I said “Can I have a different topic please?” She said “No”.

              Yes, the young couples at malls, streets do make me notice them. I smile and wish Bless them within myself. I do have set of friends who are happily married to their Love, few eagerly waiting for their love, and few who are working out on the relationship to take it towards marriage. So the ultimate purpose ends up in marriage where both can live happily together forever and be there for each other through thick and thin.

  I am a soul who recently welcomed late 20’s on my last birthday and have limited year left to reach 30.Still Single, The topic love pisses me off these days because I miss being with my man who has still not turned up. The wait seems longer. But true that, no one can escape from bonding of Love. Even the most serious to most crazy character of humans, have to swim through this bonding. Afterall, love is the only source because of which the world exists.

 Now that he is not here yet, (I believe he might have taken a wrong route and is in a wrong direction who needs to get on right direction to reach me or probably is on his way) let me just assume that someday he will be right next to me making my wish come true. Sometimes I just wish if he had crossed my path by now, but then maybe he is late with a reason.

He has taught me to spend days without him around me 24*7.

He has taught to take a stand for myself in whatever I believe without any support.

He has taught me to love life the way it is and to love myself first the way I am.

He has taught to try my hands on everything that I want to try exploring –May it be writing, reading, drawing, travelling etc. etc.

He has taught me to explore the whole world alone being a strong woman.

He has taught me how to deal with wrong people and how to appreciate the right ones.

He has taught me everything a woman can do without a man by her side.

He has made me strong every day.

Today I have learnt to hide my tears and say “I am alright” with a big smile. I have learnt to be thankful for little that I have and to appreciate people in my life. I have learnt to put all broken pieces together and get up again. I have learnt to bring smile on peoples face and be there for them even when they least expect. I have learnt change is obvious. I have learnt emotions can bring you down if you let them to. I have learnt to believe in Destiny and I know that when it’s your time to meet me, nothing in this universe can stop it.

So my Love, wherever you are, I would want to let you know that I am waiting with my arms wide open to welcome you. I know it’s worth the wait but I am scared that this strong woman may also break down someday waiting for you to turn up. Make it faster before I give up my hopes. I can’t wait to hug you and let me in your arms. I want to get cuddled by you until my heart goes calm. I want to blow a kiss on your forehead and brush your hair slowly every morning when I wake up by your side. Single cup of coffee every morning doesn’t make me feel fresh these days. I need you to share a cup of coffee with me. Come soon, so that lets start celebrating Life together. J

"HE" is my "HERO"

                     

                               I have to write today! I have to write today because I am away from home and I miss being with the best person. A person who taught me what is Life, what is the world and showed me way towards light. I miss him often. I miss him more every day. All I get to do now is to visit him taking few days off OR multiple phone calls every day despite my busy schedules.

                                When I was five years old and had joined the school. He peddled cycle every day morning and afternoon for kilometers together just to drop and pick me up from school. I still remember the tiny green seat in front that was fixed only for me.It wasn’t an easy task, He felt tired and did stop at times at the side of road and then continued to peddle again. There wasn’t a single day when he complained about it. In fact he smiled each time he saw my face. He worked hard at office to give me the best of education and best of everything in Life.

                                “You are my world”- He always said and still continues to say even today! His job posted him to a different location. I was studying in primary school when he chose to move to different location all alone. Of course not by choice but because his job forced him too. Inspite of his health issues where he actually wanted mom to be around to help him, he dint take anyone of us with him. The only reason was he was posted to a location of tiny village where there was no education system available in those days. He dint want me to lose two years of my school education.

                                  I made him proud with my mark sheet each time he visited home. I was the school topper everytime.I would wait for the day he would come. I would keep all my prizes and certificates that I had won on the table. He would pat on my back and praise my hard work. He would also get me some gift each time he travelled home. 

                                  I remember that day when I had asked him for a teddy. I had seen few of my friends owning big teddies and out of nowhere I too wanted to own one. Honestly, I don’t know why I wanted a teddy because I was never fond of it anytime. May be I just wanted to have one like everyone else. I thought my dad would immediately buy me one but he dint. He said “Teddy haan? The doll that is made up of clothes and cotton. What will my daughter do with it? It cannot talk and walk. You can simply carry it. What do you get from owning a teddy?”  I kept quiet. He continued “I would want my daughter to ask me some useful gifts. Like you ask me books that you want to read and get knowledge from. Any book of your choice. I will buy millions of it for you.”  I looked at him with disappointed face. He later said “Ok, looks like you really want a teddy but you will get a small teddy first, after few months if you still wish to own a big teddy then let me know”. He further continued “And to get the small teddy you need to work hard and score a rank this final exam”. That was an easy task for me then. I worked hard and stood first in my class. My dad kept his promise with small teddy as my gift. Within few weeks I had lost all the interest in that boring teddy and dint want a big teddy anymore. Infact I just kept the small teddy only for the reason that it was a gift from my dad. This continued in every phase of my life. I would be made aware of what is worth owning and then gifted with what I want at the right time. This taught me value of everything I own in life and also taught me to get things by working hard. The joy that you feel is immense. I was gifted with cycle and scooty when it was necessary at right time. Never got it immediately when I asked for it the first time.

                                  I grew up. Young hot blood was flowing in my body .Things had gradually changed. I wasn’t the same rank holder student anymore in my studies. There were times I let him down. There were times I made him feel low. There were times I made him angry. There were times I felt helpless .There were times I was ashamed of myself but he still stood beside me proudly. There was a time I broke into bits and pieces. He used all his strength, gathered those broken pieces together and made it one again. My respect towards him increased and love towards him doubled.

                                  Today I am in a state where I need to make time to make a phone call just to talk to him. I cannot talk to him for hours together sitting next to him as I stay away from home while he is always next to me whenever I need him. He is still working on giving me best in my life and I am not able to be his strength. He is always there when I want him but I am never available. Yea, I am definitely working on being there for him.

                                  His patience, his courage, his determination and will power is what I always wish to develop in me. He is my strength from the day I was born and even today and for future. Yes! He is my first HERO, my DAD! – Today whenever he sees me, he still gives me hopes on how to deal with Life, to stay determined, to be positive and that keeps me pushing ahead. I LOVE YOU MORE DAD!                                 

Parallel Universe

A different world, a different universe. It’s a land of colors.I sat in a white cloud high up in the light blue sky. I was sitting on a cloud. The cloud was moving slowly and I was immersed in admiring the color of sky. The cloud stopped in front of a white dome shaped castle and I got down. I looked around. Tiny little blue birds, size of my thumb were flying around with a sweet humming sound. Bright little glittery balls were bouncing up and down all over. I smiled and walked ahead.

 After walking many steps I stood in front of a big door. The door had its own magnificent design. I went close and was immersed in observing the artistic design. I saw “HAPPINESS” was only word written on a big door. The door was completely white similar to the color of milk. I stood infront of the door with my mouth wide open. The door opened automatically. I saw left and right. I could see no one. I just ran inside very quickly. To my surprise there was no one inside. It was a total calm place with literally nothing. I ran back to the door again but it was closed. I tried hard to open the door but it went in vain. I sat down disappointed. After few minutes I got up and tried opening the door again but it dint help. I then turned back started walking ahead. The place was very silent and calm. If a needle was dropped down I bet I could have heard the sound.

             After walking for more than half an hour I saw another big door. This time the door was already open. The door was highly classic design and was brown in color, I went in. On both the sides stood line of strange people. They were dressed up like they were from an ancient ancestor’s age. A small crown on each person’s head, a heavy metal covered their body and everyone had a round shaped antique piece held in their hand. As I entered, these people on both ends bowed down their head at once. I was surprised and continued walking.

              I reached the third door. I have never seen a door as beautiful as this in my life. It had all the colors I had seen so far in my life. It was just amazing. It had no design but only colors. I tried opening the door but it dint work. I pushed it hard, the door dint open. I put all my strength and pushed the door with great and full force this time and the door opened at once. I went inside. I could hear light music, see beautiful butterflies, bright shining stars falling down all over and melting on the ground. I saw the balloons of heart shape in Red color around me in the air. I was happy and I felt good. I caught the shining stars in my hand and it melted in my hand. My hands felt the cold tickling feeling.

               Suddenly I heard a voice, a voice that was powerful and commanding. A voice that was firm and a voice that one wanted to listen over and over again. The voice whispered “You have crossed three doors of Life that everyone always wants. First door which was complete white and the place where you saw nothing was place of PEACE. The second door where people bent down when you entered was place of RESPECT. And the final door where you felt very happy and extremely good was place of LOVE. The ultimate powerful emotion in every human’s life and the emotion from which no human can escape from. Your LIFE is now complete! “The voice stopped and I stood there blank.

               Immediately a strong breeze passed by and I couldn’t stand in the same place.I was blown away with the wind. “Thud” I fell down. I opened my eyes and I was in the same crazy daily world, I had fallen down on the ground from my bed. I searched for my phone and saw the time. I was late to my office. I smiled at the thought that i named as "Parallel Universe" and there I went ahead for my usual routine.

               

Thoughts that flow !!

      My thoughts reflect the past, my thoughts witness my present and at times tiny little hopes of future are captured.

                I am a day dreamer big time. I can sit for hours together doing nothing but only get so lost in my own thoughts. Sometimes I do wish I would have used this time in something fruitful then I answer myself “I don’t have to rule the world now, so it’s OK”.

                My early morning takes my thoughts for a walk through my memory lane. Every morning I go for a walk to a park nearby. This practice started just to give my mornings a fresh start watching nature and to feel the morning breeze. A light music, my favorite shoes and a jacket, hands in my pocket and there I go. I have to walk a little distance to reach the park. I have to cross few lanes of big and small houses as well. Few things that I observe daily is I see a lady splashing water in front of her house door when I go for a walk and by the time I finish my rounds in the park and return back, beautiful design of “Rangoli” would be ready to welcome in front of the door. My thoughts just took me to my past where my granny did the same and we little ones would stand next to her and watch in excitement. She would do it so perfect and fast. As I walk further I see a young boy (probably in his 12- 16 years age) who stops his cycle at every house he crosses , picks up a news paper from the bunch at his cycle basket and throws it in front of every house. Trust me; I always make sure I don’t miss watching him as he throws newspaper to first floor, second floor and also third floor standing in the same position of the road. The newspaper rolls high up in the sky and falls perfect. “Dude, you can be a basketball champ” my thoughts said to me when I watched him. His throw never gets missed every day. My thoughts reminded me of a friend who had once told me “I don’t care that I am going through a bad time because I come from a background where I have lived my life as a newspaper boy. So today if I am kicked out of my job I am bold enough to lead my life independently finding a new way”. This thought made me smile. I continue my walk and I see a shopkeeper opens his tiny shop every day morning. Keeps few racks of groceries outside the shop, makes ready a small bench for customers, hangs few magazines in front of the shop. My thoughts took me to my childhood days where my uncle who owned a shop used to do this every morning. I used to visit him only on summer vacations. He did make me and my cousins sit in the shop. All we had to do was know the price, collect the money and return proper change and give them what they asked. I entered the park and I see old couple walking in the park, few young folks running and little exercise. Adding on, I do see few little kids who come to the park early morning to play see saw, swing. I see the joy and excitement in every kids face when the swing and see-saw goes up and down. My thoughts reflected my past where me and my sister used to finish our homework real fast just to join our friends at the park to play the swing.

                I finish my walk, continue my daily routine and off I go to office. I always prefer a window seat when I travel in the bus. Because I always love to observe the world around me. I see a group of little kids with uniform playing on the road side while their parents are holding their school bags waiting for the school bus. They were playing some game clapping their hands. My thoughts took me down the memory lane of my school days where we sang rhyming words and clapped our hands. I did try to recollect the words fully and realized I have forgotten few words. My bus stopped being stuck at traffic and my thoughts started waving around my present routine of office,cooking,meetings to attend etc.To see positive  side of my present I took my thoughts to my favorite books awaiting in my bookshelf that I would continue  to read, movie that’s planned for weekend. The bus started moving slowly by then and there I see a beautiful young couple who held their hand. The guy asked the girl to stand after him and then carefully looked around and crossed the door holding her hand tight. My thoughts went into my future. I don’t stop my thoughts when it shows me hopes of future (which may or may not happen). I let my thoughts swim. By now the bus had started moving on the flyover and the morning breeze near the window seat brushed my face, I tilted my head slightly towards right and my eyes closed. My thoughts continued to swim into future.

      I looked into his eyes and he smiled at me, I put my hand on his head and brushed his hair and he smiled again. He puts an arm around my shoulder and kisses my cheeks. I blush. He pulls me towards him and cuddles me in his arms. I feel safe forever. I feel I have the whole world with me. After being in his arms to my heart’s content I rest my head on his shoulder. He kisses my forehead. I feel I am the happiest person. Suddenly I feel the jerk and my head is hurt. My thought of future now brings me to present. I was in the bus and the last stop had arrived. I get down and my final thought says “Whoever you are and wherever you are, though I am unsure of your existence and unsure that you are on the way to reach me, I will hold you tight in my thoughts forever”. 

Learn LIFE

         Life – The word “Life” itself is a mystery. We all know and have experienced that Life is filled with ups and downs. Life keeps going no matter what! As said always “Live for today to the fullest”. Is that easy?

         After a point of time, when life puts you down over and over again, each time you fall you learn to get up and then the moment you get up you fall all over again?! How awful you would feel? – Living with positive attitude and hopes of better tomorrow gets drained out eventually .Now you just want to give up! Life becomes struggle, almost every day.

                     Since past few months or nearly a year my Life has become constant. Books, papers, watching the world, entertainment nothing actually helps me or feels exciting. Personally and professionally I have seen no good, I kept going ahead hoping for better tomorrow. Everyday there is a ball of emptiness above my head that follows me everywhere. Oh yea, How can I forget what people tell me – “The best comes in the end”, “It’s all about time, Things will surely fall in place” etc etc. After hearing it a million times my answer would be like “Now that’s really not helping me”.

                    The best way to deal with Life at this point would be to connect the dots. (Not being philosophical but this does help me - at least for few minutes). It’s always said “One should forget the past and move on” – True, but it’s not harmful to recollect the past at times and learn about your life. Past would have been painful or probably memorable. Visit and come back J you would feel better or you would now SMILE recollecting it again.

                    I sat in my room next to an open window, gathering thoughts and felt every phase that I have crossed and every path that I have walked so far had a reason. A reason that was unwrapped at a later stage in my Life.

I had to meet few wrong people who were not meant to stay with me forever and then I met right ones later. Here I learned to value them.

I had to choose between let go and hold on. Here I learned to be strong.

I had to meet a person to direct him to the right path. Here I learned to be a guide.

I had to choose among emotions and goal. Here I learned to be practical.

I had to leave behind attachments and move ahead. Here I learned to move on.

         Today wherever I am and whatever I am - I have learned. I would still keep learning. You wish or you don’t but Life will surely teach you the lesson. You have to learn because you have no other choice. You have to cry to learn to SMILE. Though you are fed up, you have to cross the path that is meant for you to pass. So live, love and continue to do what makes you happy. Just don’t stop because you are tired. If not today tomorrow you will know why things were not working out for you when you wanted it to. And that day you would SMILE again and probably be “thankful” too.

Flaws to Perfection

She was funny, naughty and crazy.

She made millions of people smile in her journey every day.

There were her set of bad days too where she lost her own smile and she was blamed.

She owned a heart filled up with unconditional love and care.

She hugged people when they felt lonely and held the hands when they needed support.

There were days when she had lost all her strength to help and she was blamed.

She respected feelings and valued relationships.

She compromised to keep them happy and to live more moments with them.

There were days where she lost herself completely and she was blamed

She worked hard to give her best to people around

She spent tiring days and sleepless nights

There were days where she was restless and she was blamed

She loved truly and deeply

She bonded and connected from heart

There were days when she had to let go with deep pain within and she was blamed

She wiped their tears of sorrows

She gave her shoulder to rest

There were days when she had to wipe her own tears and she was blamed

She was known for her soft speech

She made wonders with words

There were days when she was left with no words and she was blamed

            She sees the change

            She see the different her

            She sees that the more people she loses, the more she finds herself

I want to get Lost !

I want to get lost  

In an unknown land

With plenty of trees

To feel the fresh breeze

I want to get lost

In a place where I can see the blue sky

With colorful rainbow

To see beautiful clouds

I want to get lost

In a place of mountains

Where I can shout at the top of my voice

To listen to my own echo

I want to get lost

In a place where I see the birds

Which flies high

To hear melodious chirping

I want to get lost

In a place of long route

With sand on the ground

To keep walking miles

I want to get lost

In a place of sunlight

Where I see the sun rays

To shine in the direction of light

I want to get lost

In a place of endless road

Where I have hundred errands

To run as fast as I can

I want to get lost

In a place of happiness

Where I keep smiling

To spread bucket of joy

I want to get lost

In a place of calmness

Where I can listen loud to my inner voice

To follow what my heart says

I want to get lost

In a place with no noise

With no one around

To be with only me

I want to get lost

Completely and totally

For now or may be forever

To an unknown land

Because that someday when I get lost

May be I will be myself again!

"Small Incident"

          I still remember those childhood days. I was a school going girl.An annual day function happens every year in every school .We students perform many cultural events, entertainment. Also students who have done achievements in that academic year will be awarded too. I was one among many students selected by the school teacher to act in a drama. We students were supposed to give stage performance on a theme as per teacher’s instructions. The drama contained many characters and each role was given to individual students based on their capacity to bring out the best in those characters.

                   The main role was of a Tiger. My Teacher selected me for this role. She said “ Dear,I know you have the potential and you will perfectly fit into this role.This is the main character in whole drama and you would be on maximum focus as you would be performing in all the scenes.” I really don’t know why but I said “No, Please give me a real small role.I don’t want to be on main role.” My Teacher tried to convince me and then finally gave up.She then gave this role to some other student. In return I got a role of a servant where I had to be on stage only for one scene of the drama.Very minimal dialogue.I was very happy.

       That day I came back home and told my mom the story of how I denied to take a major role.I got an unusual reaction from her.Her first question was “Can I know why?” in a very calm tone. I answered “Because I felt I cannot do it.” Then she asked,"How do you know that you wont be able to play that role? Did you give it a try?”. I answered,“No,I just felt”.She blasted me right then.She said “Did you deny that major role and chose to opt for something minimal.Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Do you even know what does it mean when you decline something best coming your way?” I dint know why this bothered my mom.I was angry on her for scolding me.

       Next day my mom was at my school with me.She spoke to the teacher and I was given the major role back again.This time my teacher dint even ask me if I was OK with the role change.The practise started,continued with endless rehearsals, and finally the day came where we had to perform on stage.Our play was a hit and every character in the play performed the best including me.I was very happy after the play,I could see my mom smiling and clapping her hands.

                  If I look back now on this incident ,I realize she was right.She wanted her daughter to know  that her daughter is capable of it.She pushed me to do that role because she dint want to let her daughter diminish her self confidence on oneself. Now why did I refresh my childhood incident on this page is, since past few years as an IT professional, I have been exploring  new life, new journey. There are times when oppurtunities knock at my door.Many a times I tend to push it away(same like I did during my childhood) because of lack of self –confidence and then I realize I shouldn’t. Back then when I was a kid, I had my mother to take a stand for me when I wasn’t confident on myself.Now I am a grown up individual, my lesson of childhood should be something that I should carry forward,by being confident on  oneself and giving oppurtunities a try before I give up. And recalling this incident always gives me a push.Once you are grown up, you are on your own you see.

      Strange that every step of our parental nurture makes an impact on us to shape us as a wonderful human. Love them and Love yourself because they have shaped you as a beautiful person that you are today.  

Take a chance

 Most of us tend to lead a routine life! Knowingly or unknowingly our days just pass like any other normal day! I was one among many, who was totally involved in my daily routine life! This continued for months together. Few of us work for a job that we were always passionate about and few others just fit into wrong job and get used to it. We don’t choose to do something different nor do we take some time out of our busy schedule to do things that we want to do.

 Recently, as I was lost in my own world at office work and personal stuff, I received a call asking me to conduct classroom training for a batch of people.Now this was something that I was never involved in before and training was never my job. A new challenge on my way. Who cares, I just wanted to say a “NO” and end it up. However for a change, I decided to say a “YES”. I  wanted to try my hands on something new that I have not tried so far.Now I knew that saying a yes,means there was a lot of extra work that was going to come my way and I wanted to give the training as a proper trainer and not end it up for the heck of it. Dates were fixed, huge participants were added as invites, classroom was dedicated for whole week to me and my students.

 Before the training started I had to be thorough on my preparations ,first few days of my initial preparation went for a toss because of my project workload and I was a little lazy,I usually don’t do things until its sitting right on top of my head with deadline :P I had just one week left to start my  training.And I had to start plus finish my preparations as a trainer.I had to be 1000 times more confident on my subject than the participants who would be present there.I dedicated my entire time on my preparations pushing everything else aside including the holidays plus weekends. I felt confident on what I had to speak during my training.

The first day of training, my intention was to make everybody present there very comfortable,so that they feel free to shoot all their doubts at me.From second day till last day went with complete training material subjects in detail.Making everyone interact was part of this ! On my last day of training,I saw myself as a trainer, having the best feeling ever.The entire effort of day and night that I had put in this training felt worth it. To make this memorable I just gave a sheet of paper and asked every participant to scribble positives and negatives of me a trainer.Positives would build up my confidence and negatives would let me know where I should improve on.And these sheets went directly into my diary.I revealed on the last day that this was my first experience as a trainer which surprised all participants.

The last day of my training, when everyone had vacated the room, I was standing there feeling happy and good. We tend to loose ourself very often in this fast phase of our life doing things what we regularly do.Try to explore yourself whenever you get an opportunity to do something different.Dont fear to take a chance.Because every chance taken gives you a learning.Thats when you will know the better you.

Dear Life,

You make me smile

You make me cry

You make me sad

You make me happy

You teach me meaning of emotions

You teach me meaning of feelings

You teach me to hold on

You teach me to let go

You make me see beautiful days

You make me see worst days

You make me feel emptiness

You make me feel myself complete

Sometimes you make me meet the ‘right people’

Sometimes you make me meet the ‘wrong people’

You make few to stay with me forever

You make few to walk away from me forever

Sometimes you pour ‘sorrows’

Sometimes you pour ‘joys’

Sometimes you make me feel ‘weak’

Sometimes you make me feel ‘strong’

When I think everything is right, you slip

When I think everything is over, you go back on track

When I think I win, you show me that I have still a long way to go

When I think I lose, you show me ‘hope’

Dear Life, Whatever you are

I am still in love with you

Because till the journey ends

I will always keep learning!

The other day when it rained!

It is bright sunny day! Unbearable heat, deep summer making us thirsty every now and then. Me and my roommates were walking towards our destination. We had to wait for an auto. After a little while, one of my roommates said – “Hey, Can we please find a place to hide ourselves from sun”. I immediately pointed towards a small shelter on the extreme corner of the road. It was a small sandal repair shop. An old man sat inside that tiny shelter whose job was to repair the shoes. This little shed had a small roof on top that extended a little in the front that could let few more people to stand under the roof shelter.

 My roommate replied – “There, No way! Let’s find a better place”.

 I questioned –“Why, what’s wrong?”

She answered – “Look at that, small shelter, not good enough”

My thoughts reflected back to that day when this small shelter was saver for me!

“ The other day when it rained” – Early morning was just like any other normal day in this city.Alarm rings and there I wake up and get ready and off to office.But the day was not normal in the evening.Unpredictable weather had started the game.It started to rain that evening.It was raining cats and dogs and whole city was in a mess,people not ready to welcome rains and were without umbrella.There I was in the bus.I had no clue if this rain would stop before I reach my place. I was just hoping it will. It dint.I arrived my stop and it was time to get down from the bus, the moment I got down, rain was so heavy that it dint allow me to walk even two steps. I saw my left and then right , all I could see that moment was this small shelter , yea! The same sandal repair shop.I went to this shop and I stood there right under this small roof.This small shelter protected me from getting drenched.Now within two seconds I see a young guy running towards me and occupying the same shelter.He couldn’t go ahead in his bike and had to stop.After a while another gal joins in,She makes a call to her mom and expects her mother  reach this shop with an umbrella to pick her up! Then comes a small girl half already drenched, We all three try to move a little closer to give this little girl some place to fit in under this shelter. Now that was the maximum limit this shelter could hold.Old man who is the owner of the shop said – “Feel good,sorry I don’t have more place to make u all comfortable” . Few among us said –“That’s ok” . I said “This is the best place,Thanks”. The guy next to me smiled!

                Heavy rain continued,wind was blowing so hard like it was angry,rain drops were pouring continuously like it would never stop again.Gals mother had come with an umbrella to pick her daughter.Mother scolds her daughter for not carrying an umbrella and simultenously  continues to wipe her daughters wet head.I watch and remember my mom.There was a smile on my face at that moment.They walk away. After a while a car stops infront of us and picks the small gal.I stand and continue to see the water splashes,traffic jam,shaking trees etc.

                After  waiting for 45 minutes straight I make a choice to wrap my head with dupatta and make a move.Rain had reduced slightly showing a little mercy on me. I started to run and reached my destination.Walk distance was just 10 mins to my place from this stop but rain was at its peak not allowing me even to take a small step. Ah ! If this small shelter was not on my head may be I had no clue where to go the other day ! I was thankful to that small roof on my head the other day!

                Here today I looked at my roommate and answered – “Sometimes small shelter makes huge difference.I would stand right under it,Follow me if you want to” and there I stood ,so did they!

Relating this to Life – Sometimes we meet people who would support us or give us just a minute of happiness .That minute of happiness would have mattered to us a lot.That minute of happiness would be the only reason why we were happy the whole day! We miss to notice them and we forget to thank them or may be sometimes we forget the person itself who had once made us feel good and happy. Notice them and now may be it’s your turn to make them feel good J

Ask yourself - Is this 'ME'?

This blog is a little about my life, where I would crib about the way things were going around with me for couple of months. I was with a comfortable, fun loving team around me at office. They kept me lively and happy everyday! I don’t mean they dedicated their time taking good care of me but the team itself was so freaking good that anybody in the team enters the office and goes for a cup of coffee at the beginning of the day together with the whole group, one would definitely forget what was he or she worrying about. All individuals were uniquely crazy and every individual put together rocked, winning hearts of millions. Touch wood!

  It’s always said Life is a journey and millions of people just pass by you in this journey. Some people make the journey wonderful. These set of people are those who made my journey wonderful and kept building up my hopes, confidence every now and then. Probably they are the only reason that I am smiling today! But days pass by and change is mandatory. I cannot expect to work with the same set of people anywhere I go, nor can they (especially in IT industry).It was time for a change for everybody. People got fit into different organizations starting at the beginning of last year. Every month of last year kept me involved in organizing back to back farewells! We are all still connected even today but departed due to different organizations plus locations and can’t hang out on a daily basis 24*7 with each other.

I fell into a new role with a new team. It’s always hopeless to move out of your comfort zone and the same happened to me.I found it a little hard initially to cope up with new role and team. I kept missing my old team very often. The new team had lot of negative vibes pushing my way. I was losing my confidence and also it was bringing down my hopes. I pushed myself very hard to get on track, but felt helpless. Along with this, my personal life was losing track, I had some people whom I was with talking about my attitude and having problems with the way I am. Now I found myself as a very disturbed person,living a routine time table life, not doing what I wanted to do but doing what others wanted from me.I dint even remember when was the last time I stepped out to a roadside tea stall,when was the last time I had been for a long walk in the cold breeze,when was the last time I ran around my work place with crazy talks etc. I questioned myself  “Is this  ‘ME’ ?” The answer was a obvious “NO”. When all things shoot at you at one single shot, you feel down especially when you are not a kind of person who would expect a shoulder to rest on incase of problems. You deal with your problems all alone and that needs a lot of self push. It makes you stronger and each learning will teach a lesson. At the same time, I had my dearest ones who were going through worst phase of their life and expected me to be their strength. Now may be this was an add on for me to force myself to be more strong and push myself back to normal. To serve them happiness, I had to first find my happiness back! Else there was no point in me being their strength!

I had to first build up my confidence and bring up my hopes. That started by finding positive energy in my new team. I recognized the set of people in my new team where I found positiveness and avoided the negative side. This was my first step. Second was I started dealing with myself more than dealing with the ones who had problem with me for the way I am. Their presence dint matter to me anymore. My emotions towards them was made to “null” which means that there is no chance of hurting myself anymore in future with these people. I fell and picked something up! First time when I fell I had picked up “Writing” and this time it is “Drawing”. Third step was I stayed away from networking, like the most famous whats app, fb etc and i found all time in the world for me and only myself. I started knowing more about myself, also learning more about myself. I found the real happiness starting from buying chocolates for little kids, giving more time to parents on call(since they stay far away),helping the ones who expect, sometimes even being a silent support with million empty words!  A little struggle and there I found myself back again – Now did I forget to mention that writing this blog has actually made my heart lighter ;-) Feels awesome! –

 Happiness is all around, sometimes you just tend to lose yourself in this fast phase of life. It’s you who have to notice it, Talk to yourself and start finding your happiness in every tiny little thing that you do. I am sure you will thank yourself for being you! – So deep within ask yourself a question “is this ‘ME’?”

Do what you Love AND Love what you do

                        Recently we had graduated with  Master degree. To celebrate the last day of our study life, a bunch of friends decided to wear same set of Tee’s on the last day of our exam. Our intention was to have a similar design on all our tee’s –So the concept  of design was something that could relate to our Master degree course , and this tee would  be kept with us further as a memory of our course days! Now the whole concept had to be approved and liked by everyone who will be ordering for tee. Finally we came up with a design which made some friends very happy and kept some others just convinced.

                        The next task was to print this designed tees – It was a job for me and my friend to find the best place to get this done!Using  a little contacts, and taking few suggestions from many around we chose to goto a place.After having lost ourselves on wrong roads multiple times we called the number of this organization, where we got guidance to reach our destination.

                         Little hesitant and confused, thinking if we were at the right place we parked our bike infront of a small gate.There comes a young guy outside the gate asking “Are you the ones who just called few seconds back asking for direction?” We nod our head with a “yes” and he welcomes us inside. It was a small house.We entered  inside and all we could see was 10-12 computers around.Each one were sitting infront of computer,music on with headphones, few youngsters with laptop, few with cup of coffee,few were enjoying their break by playing little games.A small house converted into an office with an environment similar to that of a house.We were then introduced to a man who took care of the whole office.After listening to us,he made us meet his colleague who could help us.

                          When we explained our concept and thoughts to this guy,he replied  “I understand what you want, I don’t enjoy designing this concept,its not my cup of tea.Would you mind If I make you meet my another colleague sitting over  there at the end whose passion is such concepts.I promise he will make your design much better than what you expect from us”. – He called a guy and said “Beta,we have a concept here and you need to design as per the concept!Please listen to their concept and see if it makes you happy?If yes , take it as your work!” Me and my friend were surprised.So you actually have the liberty to choose your work, You have a choice to say a “NO” to things that you are not interested to take up and choose only those which passionates you!This guy listened to our concept and said “I would love to design this”.He quickly designed multiple designs on our concept infront of us and asked us to choose the one we liked.He actually wanted to know if we would need some modifications on the design so that he will do it for us,but trust me he had already designed the best.

                         These few lucky set of people who worked here enjoyed their work.They dint have time constraints of login and log out.They can come and finish their work anytime they would love to.A bunch of young people were given a chance to show up their creativity in designing. They were free to design what they love and their designs will make wonders.These designs would be on tee’s which would then be on sale.Designing and colouring.This office dint have boss and employee concept,instead had a concept of 'you are your own boss'.You wear what makes you feel good and confident,You come in the time you feel great to work,you design what makes you feel complete, you take a break whenever you want to,and most of all you be what you are!

                          It was a treat to talk to these set of young people,they were very happy in the place they were. They said “when you do what you love and you get paid for it,what more can you ask for in life!”

                            There is a saying – “If every day morning when you get up from bed ,you are dragging yourself to work not being happy, then it’s time to move out of your current job and get into a job that you would have always loved to do” !- Do what you love and Love what you do

Life is beautiful(now!)

Whenever  I was down and confused , my dad always told me – “Daughter , Life teaches you everything, it will make you matured, It will one day make you realize that you have grown up to handle the worst yourself, either in a good way or bad way.” - I used to just smile keeping mum. Today I understand that statement, He is so very right!

Life looks beautiful to me these days, more and more beautiful as every day is passing by! I have now got up from the place where I had fallen down long back, have learnt to hug people again when I feel like. It’s not like the time when I wanted to be myself all alone anymore! I have realized in the past few months that I do miss people around me.Sometimes a lot more than I even expected to miss them.

                Earlier I was clueless about what I wanted; now I can see my future. I can see what I want because I see where I stand right now! My future is at a far off distance from here and it looks wonderful to me though I see I have thousands of hurdles to pass by. I have started the battle and I am going ahead each day! Each day is a new learning, I see myself growing every day. Someone recently said me – “You are blessed”! Someone else told me – “Everybody here and many more out there loves you so much, and nobody knows why”!

There were times when I told people around me – “Leave me alone” and now I see myself saying – “Guys, I am missing you like crazy and need you here”.

There were times when I wouldn’t answer any phone calls and switch off my cell phone but now I see myself dialing numbers from my contact list just to talk to people for hours

There were times when I used to go for long walks all alone but now I see myself gathering my loved ones around me.

There were times when I used to get lost in a conversation between friends but now I see myself laughing until my stomach aches in such conversations

There were times when I used to stick on to my chair at office but now I see myself not sparing anyone around me from my pranks.

There were times when I made sure that people depart only with a simple word “bye”   from me but now i see tears in their eyes when they go away from me with a promise to keep in touch.

I am living my life as I wish to and not as a compromise for anyone else. Sometime back there was a time when I wanted to put a full stop to everything wrong that’s happening with me…I was trying to find a way out of all the worries that I had. It was difficult to bear all of it at once, but time heals everything, I found myself with the best people to come out of it! No worries seem too complicated now! Emotions, Feelings, etc. are something which I respect and handle with care

On reading these, don’t think I have just had a recovery from heartbreak! It’s just re-collection of the past, analyzing it deep and then realizing of the happy moments that you have missed so far by making your simple life miserable and complicated. The idea of not destroying the present happiness and setting up a future goal! Trust me this keeps you going! Between I have to thank some set of people who came into my life in this phase; they were my doctors though they don’t know it! ;)

On this note, this Writer inside me is looking forward to bring out some happy and funny blogs on this page soon!